From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (6/?) Date: 01 Dec 1998 03:43:38 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows DISTRIBUTION: E me at Titanic437@aol.com DISCLAIMER: No, your Honor, I never claimed that these were my characters. That woul be lying. I was falsely accused, sir! They're out to get me! The voices . . . Twilight - Chapter 6 =09=09"Locked up in here =09=09 Thinking silent, dormant thoughts =09=09 Which I never dreamed I would ever be thinking =09=09 But now I'm alone and everything's changed =09=09 It's cold and dark and lonely =09=09 And they'll never be anybody but me who'll understand =09=09 What's happening all the sudden, 'cause I'm unique =09=09 And no matter what they say, that's not a good thing at all." =09=09 -Left Behind, =A9 Luisa Matos, 1998 "Xander woke me up around two in the morning. Said that my mom would be worried. Said-" sniff, "-that I should go home right away while I still ha= d a mother. He said, 'Who knows who Angel'll kill next in the name of Buffy?' = So I said good-night, and then left him alone in his room, and I called him jus= t now with the pay phone, and he's not there, so, we need to find him." Willow sat in front of the computer, furiously pounding the keyboard as sh= e surfed the Internet and her favorite sites to try and calm herself down. Unfortunately, she was just pounding the keys harder and harder until she = was sure the next time she hit that "e" key it was gonna fly off the keyboard.= All her pent up rage at the powers at be were being taken out on this poor old Macintosh. It didn't deserve her pain. Finally she just let her hands rest on the keyboard, although they kept twitching frantically whenever the word "Xander" floated through her mind. Next to her, Xander put a comforting arm around his girlfriend. "You know, Buffy's not here today either," he said soothingly. "Maybe they both felt like they needed days off, far away from everything, you know?" "You mean they've run away?" Willow shrieked, almost jumping out of her ch= air. Oz set to calming Willow down, explaining what he really meant. "Yes!" came the sudden muffled cry from the back of the library. Willow an= d Oz turned around to see Giles come running out of the stacks, a thin little b= ook that said "Journal" in faded gold lettering on the cover. Giles came up be= hind the two lovebirds and pointed to a passage on one of the open pages that w= ere hidden from Oz and Willow's view. "This is it!" Giles said excitedly. "Two matching cases! I can't believe I found them, and in Reginald's Watcher di= ary of all places!" He set the book down, and suddenly acquired a serious expression. "Of course, though, this is a serious matter." The two Slayerette's and the Watcher leaned in to read the passage, which = went somewhat like this: ** Dear Journal, =09=09=09I am dreadfully sorry that I must report dire news today. It has = nothing to do with my Slayer-in-training, Elisabeyta. No, she is doing quite well in = her studies and training, and has done an exceptional job in keeping the vampi= re activity in our small town well under control. If ever called, she will in= deed make a great Slayer. =09=09=09No, what I am writing about it a sad event. As you may notice, th= is page is dated a week after my last entry. It is because of what has happened-with Jacob and Seth. Time after time I was warned to never let my training Slayer to have any friends, family, or acquaintances, but I am always weak to Elisabeyta's wh= ims- she is so gifted and outgoing, and she deserves to live somewhat of a norm= al life, especially since she is not on full duty yet. But this was a mistake= , a mistake that could have been avoided, and now the results are quite dreadf= ul. =09=09=09As written in my journal entries of the past month, Elisabeyta ha= s angered one vampire in particular, one who goes by the name of Greenwalt, though I doubt that it is truly. Lately, he has stepped up his advances on her, but= my Elisabeyta is much to clever to be caught off-guard. Alas, her two friends= , Jacob and Seth, were. =09=09=09Elisabeyta had caught quite a fever from patrolling he night befo= re in a chilling wind, so she was spending the night with her mother, who dutifull= y took care of her as only Mrs. Goody could. Jacob, Seth, and young, sweet Abigail were taking over Elisabeyta's duty, and Greenwalt, to put quite bluntly, drained the boys' of blood until they were at the point of death. Luckily, Abigail and I were able to take them home and miraculously, the b= ite marks disappeared, the boys healed in less then three days, and all was we= ll. =09=09=09All * was * well. Nothing is ever well when dealing with the occu= lt. Jacob and Seth began to exhibited oddities, such as strength they had never possessed before, the inability to taste food, the fading and then overall disappearence of their reflection, and several other symptons, one which w= as a horrible sunburn from the sun that disappeared completely when the sun set= and twilight settled in. All of us-Elisabeyta, Abigail, I, and the boys themselves-knew that Jacob and Seth would soon be vampires. =09=09=09When the sunlight bothered them too much and they were fully avai= ble to transform their faces into that horrible visage, we chained them into the basement below us and waited for the sun to set, in case they were demons,= for we did not know if they would have souls or not, since throughout the orde= al the boys were still very much the same, except for an increase in intelligence, which I would recommend to many of the village people around here. =09=09=09As I was saying, we chained them up and then waited till twilight= . Then Elisabeyta and I crept downstairs, and discovered the two boys completely passed out on the floor. For a moment there we thought they were dead, but Jacob woke up, and soon Seth followed. Neither exhibited signs of the demo= n taking over their body, so we led them upstairs. =09=09=09What a horrible mistake. Jacob suddenly turned on us and began to= attack Elisabeyta, showing us that indeed a demon had taken over him. Seth, who seemed to have kept his demon soul, tried to pull Jacob off of her, but Se= th was always the week one. The three of us watched in horror as Jacob turned around and neatly ripped of Seth's head, turning him into dust. Abigail ke= eps complaining of nightmares, and I am sure that hers shall never go away. I = know that mine never shall. =09=09=09Soon after that, Elisabeyta killed Jacob, knowing that it was no = longer her childhood friend, but a demon who had killed the true Jacob. She has not talked about this incident since it has happened, but I know that this wil= l forever leave an imprint on her life. And I know that she will never, ever befriend anyone outside of Abigail and I. =09=09=09The most important thing that I want to stress to Watchers of the= future is one thing: do not let the Slayer have a life outside his/her sacred duty. = The results are indeed horrible and forever leave you broken and different. I repeat once again: * do not let the Slayer have any other kind of life oth= er than the one she was born for *. It is a downward spiral from there. =09=09=09Signed, Reginald. ** Underneath the Watcher's signature was some more text, written in the neat script that ladies of the olden days used to write in: ** =09=09Since Reginald is long gone, and if I have my way, I shall be gone t= oo, I feel that I must comment on this subject for future slayers. Yes, you will lose each and every friend you make. And the ones who are lucky enough to survive, like Abigail, you constantly watch day and night, afraid that you will lose them because of your incompetence. Please, so not put yourself through the misery I have experienced first-hand. Live your life as it was intended, so it does not have to end as mine did-at my own hand. =09=09May Abigail Stevenson and Reginald Thorpe rest in peace, as may the = lost souls of Jacob and Seth Wilder, whom I shall miss long into my afterlife: =09=09Elisabeyta Susan Goody ** All three of the persons in the library fell into respectful silence as th= ey finished the journal entry. Then Willow's voice quavered, and then a sound managed to escape from her mouth. "We need to find Xander right away." ---- --------------------------- "The world is a vampire, sent to drain Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames And what do I get for my pain? Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game." Xander slapped the car radio for the fiftieth time, glaring at the stupid machine that was putting him through the ringer. "Oh sure, go ahead," he s= aid sarcastically to the piece of machinery, "make me more depressed." Xander muttered something intelligible and then gripped the steering wheel to his mother's car tighter, causing the Jaguar to swerve nastily on the deserted back road. He straightened it again and then tried once again to shut the = damn radio * off *. The knob was completely broken, and the Smashing Pumpkin's song poured out= of the speakers: "Even though I know - I suppose I'll show All my cool and cold-like old job Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage (2x) Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal But can you fake it, for just one more show? And what do you want, I want to change And what have you got when you feel the same." The chorus played once again, and Xander stopped the car suddenly. He bang= ed his head against the steering wheel about five times. "I'm a wreck," he sa= id, shutting his eyes and sighing. "I deserve to be a wreck." The song continued on the radio station, and Xander tried to tune out, although the song was so damn catchy and so true in describing him at that very moment. "Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage And I still believe that I cannot be saved." Then the song ended, Xander thanked God loudly, and then revved the engine= up again. He did a dangerous U-turn that should not be done in a little back road, and headed back towards the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign he had passe= d awhile ago. A commercial was playing on the station, and Xander sighed in relief. "Now= all I need them to play is 'The Unforgiven' and it's my best day ever." When the familiar strands of music started up, Xander said several four le= tter words and hit the radio so much that it finally broke, although he receive= d a nasty swollen hand in exchange for complete silence. The road was bumpy and curving, and there were potholes as far as the eye could see. And he had driven quite a ways from Sunnydale, and would have t= o stop at a rest area to get more gas. Xander didn't mind that though: he wa= nted to delay his return as much as possible. "You are a * wreck *," Xander repeated to himself, squinting in the bright sunlight as he approached the familiar sign that that a rest area was up ahead. The sunlight was beginning to hurt his eyes more than usually, and = he felt so damn HOT that he had ripped off his shirt a while back. "And you'r= e a vampire." End of Chapter 6. Feeback needed. Feedback craved. Feedback devoured, good or bad. Feed me! ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (oops) Date: 01 Dec 1998 03:49:22 EST Um, in regard to a recent post of my story . . . it's chapter 5, not 6. can't count, sorry. every things blurry at four in the morning. unfortuantely, its this time of day when my muse is at it's highest power. darn it, i had to get a nocturnal insomniac for a muse. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Aglx@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Soul of Good & Evil (7/?) Date: 01 Dec 1998 14:35:55 EST Title: The Soul Of Good & Evil (7/?) Author: AnGeL X -- Feedback to: Aglx@aol.com Distribution: Just Ask! (Most parts of this story can be found at my site at: http://slayer.simplenet.com/tbcs/fanfic.html (e-mail me if you want me to send them to you.) Spoilers: This takes place in my own little Buffy world. Rating: Just some minor language, vampire stuff. Nothing really bad. Description: Everyone's a vampire. Willow, Xander, Buffy and Angel all have souls. Drusilla is growing to be the most powerful vampire ever, and she's captured Angel and is keeping him as her prisoner. Buffy, Xander and Willow are working with Spike to free him. Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. So don't sue me! Besides, I'm broke and you won't get anything out of it! Feedback: Desperately needed! Come on, if the story sucks, I want to know! It has been a while since I've sent a part of this, so if you need past parts, first check my webpage, and then e-mail me if you still need them. * * * * "Wakey, wakey." Buffy said quite loudly. They both opened their eyes at the same time and caught a glance of the two cups Buffy held in her hands. Both filled with a sweet red substance that their demonic instincts craved. "Oooh." Willow sat up first and grabbed one of the cups, wasting no time in ripping off the top and drinking. Xander, still half-asleep just reached his hand out for Buffy to hand him the cup. "What do I look like? A waitress?" "Well, you know in this lighting and with those clothes..." Xander reached further for the glass, but still was asking for Buffy to hand it to him. She complied, not feeling up to playing games now. She just glared, while he smiled. "So, do we know exactly *where* Drusilla is?" Willow asked, finished with her breakfast. "Nope." Buffy said plainly and sat down on the floor next to Spike's feet. She gently leaned her head against his legs, trying to make up for the all the time she spent the past night, not sleeping. Xander separated the cup from his mouth for a second to ask, "And we are going to find her how?" "Vienna's a vampire's city, mate. We ask around, and we're sure to find her." * * * * * "Anyone back me up here when I say, 'Eeeeeak!' Xander shivered, looking up at the giant Transylvanian-type mansion in front of them. The plain black walls and hollow windows were covered with dead vines. The flowers that formerly were attached to the vines lay scattered on the ground, impounded into the soft dirt. "I'll back you up on that." Buffy added making a slightly disgusted face at the building. "Me second," Willow agreed, twining her fingers with Xander's. "Well, come on. We're not going to do any good standing out here making funny noises at the big bad building." Buffy laughed, realizing how childish they were acting. They were vampires. Demons. Vicious killers. Scared to death of what waited for them inside that mansion. "Xander, Willow move to position. Don't do anything until we signal you. Clear?" "Ya." Xander pulled Willow's hand and quietly ran off towards the back of the mansion. "Good luck," Xander said quietly over his shoulder. As the two ran off, Buffy stood still for a second, watching them leave. Spike quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her in the direction of the front door. She followed, almost reluctantly and then found herself being pulled down behind a bush. Spike couldn't risk her being seen. The entire place was very much like the villain's secret home in most fairy tales. Right down to the ugly looking knocker on the large wooden front door. "You up to this?" "Not really, but I don't have a choice, pet." Buffy's eyes shot a painful glare his way. "Sorry, habit." "One of many you've gotta kick." "First things first. Once I'm inside, you find your way in, and get to Angel." Buffy nodded and silently whispered, "Be careful." Spike strolled up to the door. After a few hits on the wood, it opened and Drusilla answered it, almost like she was expecting him to show. "Spike!" She screeched and reached for his hand. Before a word could leave his lips, he was pulled inside the house and the door shut loudly behind him. Immediately, Buffy crouched even lower and slowly made her way to the side of the house where her hopefully unnoticed entrance could take place. Inside, Spike stumbled forward from Drusilla's amazing strength then regained control of his balance. "Uh, Dru?" "Shhh. Is she here?" "She? Who?" "My child." "Darling, I told you. There was never anything. My heart belongs to you." The words that he spoke were what she wanted to hear, but Spike found himself questioning his intentions, and their meanings. "Yes, there was. You left me for her." "*You* left me, Dru. But I couldn't live without you. I had to find you." "Oh, my Spike missed me." Dru extended an arm and put it gently behind his head, drawing him to her. Her long nails gently wove through his hair, as she mumbled sweetly reassuring words. Spike winced, ever so slightly as she held him close to her. Her touch was so familiar, and yet so new. He could feel how much more powerful she'd grown. It would take the strength of them all combined with Angel--assuming he was still Angel--to defeat her. That only meant that they'd have to find him first. * * * * * "Three hundred doors, all filled with vampires. Question is, which one is Angel behind?" Whispering quietly to herself, Buffy tried to calm the chill that continued to creep up her spine with every step she took. It wasn't working. As she moved silently down the hall, glancing at each door, Buffy noticed the two large doors at the end of the hallway. "Hmm. Dru's room. Well, let's see what's behind door number three hundred and seventy-two." * * * * * * "So you're not mad?" "Xander, would you be quiet!" Willow hissed, smacking him on the shoulder. She carefully peeked into a back window to make sure they weren't discovered by Dru's minions. "Sorry. So, are you, or not?" He whispered this time, just barely loud enough for Willow's super hearing to catch. "I was never really mad. I just couldn't stand to see you treating Buffy the way you were. You never even gave her a chance. We were both mad--at first--but now things are worked out. Assuming we don't die tonight, we'll be just fine." * * * * * * * "Angel?" The doors creaked open just enough for Buffy to slip through. Quietly closing them behind her, she began to search through the large Master bedroom. Drusilla's large canopy bed was centered under what used to be a window--before she had it covered with boards. The usual red satin and velvet tapestries adorned the room. Besides the bed, the only other objects in the room were a large chest and a table with a small bench in front of it. Covering the tops of the table and chest were Drusilla's dolls, tea set and various small boxes. The entire room just screamed, "Drusilla!" "Angel? Are you in here?" She could barely hear her own voice in the mansion. She kept it low enough for only a vampire to hear. Buffy was so caught up in focusing her senses on finding Angel she didn't hear the footsteps creep up behind her. A strong arm wrapped around her waist, while the other hand clamped down over her mouth muffling any noise she could have made. "Shhh." * * * * * Hmmm, who could it be? -Michelle I'm really living up to the title of "Cliffhanger Girl." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules Date: 01 Dec 1998 15:46:36 -0500 (EST) Welcome! This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," both the TV series and the movie. To ensure that we all get to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following guidelines, and please save them for future reference. 1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related to Buffy. 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Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) & sah (romana@mindspring.com) Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List buffyfic@xmission.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: How to (un)s*bscribe Date: 01 Dec 1998 15:46:39 -0500 (EST) Please SAVE this message-- it contains information on how to uns*bscribe from the list or to change s*bscription options. IF YOU'RE S*BSCRIBED TO THE REGULAR BUFFY LIST AND WISH TO CHANGE TO DIGEST: You need to uns*bscribe from the Buffy list, and res*bscribe to the digest. Send a message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message, put uns*bscribe buffy Then, send a second message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message, put s*bscribe buffy-digest You'll go through the same approval process that you got when you subbed to the regular Buffy list. If you're s*bscribed to the digest version, and want to change to regular mail, do the opposite-- unsub from buffy-digest, and resub to buffy. THE BUFFY FICTION LIST To s*bscribe to the Buffy Fiction list, follow the same procedures as listed above-- just substitute buffyfic or buffyfic-digest for buffy or buffy-digest. TO UNS*BSCRIBE FROM ANY BUFFY LIST send a message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message put uns*bscribe buffy (or buffy-digest, or buffyfic, or buffyfic-digest) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Leslie S." Subject: BUFFYFIC: Nobody Will Know 1/1 Date: 02 Dec 1998 12:00:46 PST TITLE: Nobody Will Know 1/1 AUTHOR: Leslie Surgento EMAIL: leslie_s_@hotmail.com SUMMARY: A Willow/Xander fic DISTRIBUTION: If you want it, just let me know where you put it. FEEDBACK: If ya got a second RATING: G SPOILERS: Homecoming (sort of) DISCLAIMER: I acknowledge that Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all associates characters were created by Joss Whedon. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words, please don't sue me.) I knew that was I was about to do was wrong. And the fact that it would be in my parent's house made it all the more so. I tried to convince myself that it was innocent, people would understand, but I knew at least one person who I doubted would ever understand. Looking at the clock I realized Xander would be here soon. My breathing was a bit heavy, in anticipation of what was to come, so I tried to calm myself down. I glanced around the room. All the blinds were drawn. Nobody could see in. Nobody would see us. When the doorbell rang, I let out little YIP. A took a deep calming breath, stood up and walked to the door. I opened it to find Xander holding, (well juggling was more the word) a pizza box, a 2-liter of Coke and a bag of Cheese Chips. I grabbed for the Coke before Xander could drop it and ushered him into the living room. I told him that I would be right back as I went into the kitchen for some plates and glasses. A small smile passes over my lips as I thought about what would be happening soon. I pushed a brief wave of guilt aside as I thought of Oz locked in the library cage on this night. It was the full moon. I knew I should have been looking after him, but Buffy had volunteered and tonight was just too important. My reverie was broken as Xander called from the living room. He was growing impatient. I put two plates, to iced glasses and some napkins on a tray and brought it into the living room. Xander was sprawled on the couch looking anxious. I asked him if he was OK. He smiled a bit and shrugged and said that he was excited and just really glad to be with me. I set the plates and glasses down and we dove in. As we ate we made small talk. Nothing too specific, no talk of demons or vampires, and most definitely no talk of significant others. After we were done with the pizza, I took the dirty plates into the kitchen and loaded them into the dishwasher. All the calm I gained while we were eating had left me. I felt a slight tremble over my body I tried a few more deep breaths, but it wasn't helping much. I grabbed the counter with both hands as I tried to remind myself that nobody was going to find out. That thought helped a bit. I took one more deep breath before I turned around and went back to the living room. By the time I got back, Xander had already lowered the lights. I swallowed hard as I joined him on the couch. He looked at me for a moment. Asking permission I guessed. I nodded my consent. I had come this far. It was too late to turn back now. Slowly, gently, Xander placed his hand on….the TV remote and turned on the set. And once again, without Ira Rosenberg knowing, I sat back to enjoy "A Charlie Brown Christmas." ~fin~ Notes: Did I have you guessing? I wrote this on my lunch break, so it was not read over, but due to its timeliness I had to post it today. There actually is a full moon tonight and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is really on tonight (Dec 2, 1998 8 PM EST on CBS) BTW…I don't really like the title, so if anybody has a better suggestion, I'd love to hear it. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: RCCOLA503@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopeless Hope (5/6) Date: 02 Dec 1998 15:42:13 EST Title: Hopeless Hope (5/6) Author: Meg R-C Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top! Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for the gang to be reunited. I found Buffy and Angel curled up together on the porch, clinging together like there was no tomorrow. I hated to interrupt them, but I knew that Buffy would never forgive me if I didn't tell her right away. After all, she had more of a right to know, to grieve, than any of us. It felt so right and good to be in Angel's arms again. It had been so long, so long since I had felt him in anything but phantom dreams. This is how it should have been. He should have been the one to be there when our daughters were born, not Xander. He should have been the one to hold and comfort me when Angela died, not Xander. I love Xander, with all my heart, he's the best friend I'll ever have, and the best person I've ever known, keeping his innocence even after all we have been through. But I love Angel with all of my soul, he is the father of my children. He should have been there. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in my ear, "I should have been there." Someone cleared their throat behind me. Involuntarily my Slayer senses kicked in, and I soon found myself pinning a startled and trembling Willow against the wall with the pointed end of my now broken chair leg pointed straight at her heart. "Sorry," I mumbled, dropping the stake and letting her go, horrified at what I had almost just done. The last thing I wanted was Xander's disappointment and the death of my best friend on my shoulders. But one look at Willow's face and I knew that the former was no longer an issue. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks tearstained, and she had an air of defeat and loss that hung in a pall above her head. Her whole demeanor screamed death. But Xander couldn't be dead, we had two more weeks. He couldn't have just died, I needed him. I loved him so much, and he didn't even say good-bye. He was just like all the others, they say they love you, that they'll always be there, but they never are. They just leave without saying good-bye, without telling you its not your fault. "Buffy?" Angel asked, reaching towards me. I flinched away from his touch, recoiling as if he had burned me. Angel and Willow, they had been the first to go. They are no better than the rest. I have no one, I am all alone. "Why are you still here?" I hissed at them. "Xander's dead, he was the reason you came back, and now he's not here anymore, and you shouldn't be here either. Just go." I was nearly hysterical, but I didn't care. I trusted Xander, and he left me. Its all my fault, I couldn't save him. He always trusted me to protect him, to save him, but I couldn't. I couldn't save the others either. They all died because of me. I've failed, I've failed everyone who ever mattered. I wasn't' there to save Willow from the Anointed One, I couldn't save Giles, or my parents, the Rosenburg's, or the Harris's, or the Chases from becoming vampires. I couldn't save Angela from Lynn. All these people died because of me, because I couldn't protect them. And now Xander. How many times had he risked and offered his life for mine? I should have worked harder for a cure, taken him to more doctor's, made him stay in the hospital instead of coming home. Maybe a cure would've been found. I failed him. The one person who had never hurt me, who would die before he caused me pain, and I failed him. I failed him and now he's dead. I saw every negative emotion ever felt in the history of man cross Buffy's face: sorrow, pain, hurt, betrayal, anger, guilt. The guilt stayed. Xander had warned me she would react badly, but I never imagine. One moment she is the Slayer, the old Buffy, fiery and full of passion, the next she is broken, and empty body filled with so much guilt and sorrow there is no longer room for a soul. I watched as she stumbled into the living room and picked up a picture of her and Xander. Looking at her face I knew that my pain, my loss, was nothing compared to hers. She crumbled to floor as if her legs no longer had the strength to hold her. "I'm so sorry Xander. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry I failed you." BY now her voice was so soft it was only my vampire enhanced senses that allowed me to hear her words. "Buffy," I whispered, not wanting to startle her. "I thought I told you to leave Will. Leave before I kill you to." Her voice was loud now, angry. "Why would you kill me?" Xander told me not to let her bottle it up inside, so I thought I'd try talking it out of her. After all, I had eternity. "Why not? I've killed everyone else. Giles, my parents, your parents, Cordelia, Xander. I killed my own daughter. I killed my own daughter." Buffy was sobbing, cradling Xander's picture to her breast, her voice rising closer and closer to hysteria with every word. "You didn't kill Angela, vampire did. You had nothing to do with it." I hadn't even heard Angel come in. Buffy looked up at him through watery eyes, "gave birth to her, didn't I? I brought her into this world so that it could destroy her, like it destroys every other innocent. And I did it knowing that every demon in Sunnydale would be after her. By bringing her into this world I killed her. The blame is all mine." Angel stared at her, "If, by giving birth and life to our daughter, you are to blame for her death, than so am I." Angel's voice was quiet, full of defeat. Buffy looked up startled, and shook her head vigorously in response, "Oh, no Angel, you're not to blame, you're to good. You're not a killer, I am. I'm the only one to blame not you." "It takes two to make a baby, Buffy," Angel argued gently, "by your logic I'm just as guilty as you." Buffy nodded in disagreement, "But I could have had an abortion or something, but I was selfish. I brought those babies into this world so that I wouldn't have to be alone, so I could still have a little piece of you with me. I was selfish and now she's dead. "Buffy?" "Yeah?" "Do you trust me?" Angel was brilliant. He was walking her straight into the trap of forgiveness, she had no way out. Buffy was too grief-stricken to figure out where he was going. "More than anything." Buffy was really paying attention to him. "Then listen to me, trust me, when I tell you that you are not responsible for anyone's death. The blame falls strictly on the vampires, on disease, and on dumb luck. None of it was your fault." That did it. Years of self-hatred and guilt diminished, it all flew out the window. While not wholly convinced, Buffy would never do Angel the injustice of calling him a liar. She loved him enough to let go. The Codex says Angel is the only thing that can kill her. It forgot to mention that he's that only thing that can save her as well. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: RCCOLA503@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Hopeless Hope (6/6) Date: 02 Dec 1998 15:56:17 EST Title: Hopeless Hope (6/6) Author: Meg R-C Distribution: Sure, but just tell me first Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top! Disclaimer: I own nothing. The basis for this story belongs to Anya, and the characters belong to Joss Whedon and the WB Rating: If you can watch the show, you can read this Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone. Xander is dying and his final wish is for the gang to be reunited. It has been two months since Xander died, two months since that night that I let go of the past. While I know that I am not innocent in the deaths of my friends, I have come to realize that I am not to blame. Xander would be proud of me. I still had a lot to work out, lots of issues to deal with, but I had an eternity to come to terms with my past. That's why I am here today at Xander's grave, to let go and say good-bye. I could never bring myself to come before, always associating saying good-bye with forgetting. I've gone to all the graves, but this was the hardest. I didn't know how I'd survive without Xander's dumb jokes, constant support, and everlasting loyalty and love. But finally I know how. I will remember him, and use his memory to keep fighting. I knelt on the grave, reading the tombstone we had picked out together. Xander chose its main inscription, but I had added a few touches. 'Alexander Harris, 1981-2003, I loved, I lost, I forgave. A beloved friend he taught me love has no time limit.' "Xander, I've forgiven myself like you always wanted. I've realized that's why you sent me to find Angel and Willow, it wasn't for you, but for me. Even in the end, you saved me, you protected me. I love you. I miss you so much it hurts. But I'm moving on, like you would've wanted. I'm going to fight the new Master in Europe, and I'm taking Hope with me. Angel and Willow are coming to. "So this is good-bye, because I don't know if I could ever bear to come back to Sunnydale, its too painful. Right now duty calls me away, maybe someday it will bring me back. Until then, this is good-bye. "Every slayer needs a reason to fight. You were mine, and you still are. I'll fight for you Xander, I'll fight until there are no more demons left to pay. Because they will pay for all those times they made you cry. Someday we will have our revenge, but until then, I love you. I'm free of my hate, all I feel is love. Thank you. "Thank you for giving my back what I thought I'd lost: hope." I would never forget Xander, but for now I was moving on. Duty was calling me, eternity was waiting. ~The End ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight - (7/?) Date: 02 Dec 1998 17:26:21 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows, and my e-mail is Titanic437@aol.com DISCLAIMER: They're not mine. The End. USING IT: Like, e-mail me so I know where it's going adn if you can. 'Cause I'm on the web 15/7 (I've timed myself - stopwatches are an insomniacs best friend), so believe me, I'll find out. WHATEVER ELSE: Feedback, darn't! If you think there should be more/less of anything, e me. If you think "Twilight" is good, e me. Ya think it sucks, e me. I won't write back an angry letter. But don't just write "it sucks." Tell me why so I can fix it! And if I get a letter that says it sucks because Xander is the main character--don't even. Twilight - Chapter 7 By Shadows "I left the me I used to be." -City, Natalie Imbruglia Xander limped into the library, an arm wrapped around his cramped stomach and dragging his left leg somewhat behind him. His hair was matted down to his scalp and dripping with sweat, much like his shirt, pants, and body. He managed his way across the library and collapsed into a chair, keeling over and putting his head down on the cool, wooden surface. One breath, two breath, three breath, four . . . "Xander, where were you?" Willow appeared out from Giles' office, and one glance at her friend sent her into major alarm-mode. "Oh my God, are you ok?!" she cried shrilly, running over to her friend. "Fine . . . just . . . fine," Xander managed to say between deep, calming breaths. His head was so dizzy that she lost balance for only a moment, but Willow reached out to support him. The soft touch of her hands on his chest sent a searing pain through him, and Xander yelped in pain. "Ouch! Willow, off, off! Sunburn!" Willow's eyes widened, and then she quickly pulled away. Xander was trying to accommodate himself in his chair when he noticed the size of the redhead's eyes. "Don't be so surprised," he said nastily, straightening his shirt. When he saw Willow's hurt expression, he softened. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm just not in the best of moods." He sighed. "I went driving, and then I walked. A very long walk. All the way here." "But you don't have a driver's license," Willow said slowly, trying to piece together what he was saying. Then she sucked in her breath. "You wrecked the car, didn't you?" she asked. "No . . . yes." Xander lifted his head off the table and instead placed it in his hands. "I was leaving the rest station, not really looking where I was going, and BAM! Right into a tree." He chewed on his lip, which looked as though they had already been through several sessions. "But I lived. And there are worse ways to die." Willow smiled weakly and him, and then glanced at the journal which was ominously discarded at the center of the table. "We found something," she said faintly. "I trust it's not good," Xander judged from the tone of her voice. "Can I see?" Willow was once again on the verge of tears as she handed Xander the floppy, ratty old journal. "Page's bookmarked," Willow said as Xander flipped through the thin, yellowed pages. She sat down next to him, waiting patiently as he read the passage. When he was finished, he gently closed the book and placed it as far away from him as he could without having to stand up. He stared at it, eyes blank as if he were looking at something in another time and place. A little moan escaped his throat. "So I guess now you know what to do," he intoned dully. Willow gave him a startled look. "Huh? What?" "Now you know what to do," Xander repeated, his voice slightly jagged. "Chain me up, find I'm a demon, slay, party, and then slay another soulless vampire the next night. And life goes on." "How can you * say * that?" Willow asked, her voice rising higher and higher. "How can you think we can do that?" "Easy," Xander said smoothly. "That's what needs to be done. And I'm sure Buffy'll be able to do it. She can't slay Dead Boy, but she'd slay me in an instant. She's sick like that." "Lovesick," Willow added softly. Xander snorted rudely, and then looked away. They heard footfalls on the steps, and Giles appeared behind them. "Xander," he said, nodding and acknowledging that he was there. "H-have you read . . .?" "Yeah," Xander answered. "And I just have one question." He twisted uncomfortably in his seat and wiped his brow. "How many days do I have left?" Giles hesitated, knowing that Xander would not like the answer. "One day," he said. "Two days if you are lucky. But the chances of that are very slim." He paused. "So sorry." "Don't be," Xander growled, anger and resentment seeping into his voice. "This is my fault. * I * drank Angel's blood: I wanted to and I enjoyed it. And Buffy's the top contender: if she'd been thinking with her head and not her * hormones *, I wouldn't be sitting here now, worrying about sprouting fangs in 24 hours. And you, Giles, would be having smoochies and who-knows-what-else with Ms. Calendar." He shifted his gaze to Willow. "And you would have your fish." The library was silent for a moment, then Xander plucked angrily at his shirt. "Dammit, is anybody else * hot * in here?" "Listen to me," Giles said, breaking the heavy curtain around the trio. "This is not your fault at * all *. You were seconds away from death, and Angel offered you life once more. No matter what free will a human being is capable of, it cannot override the ancestral urge to survive, which is forever stamped in your DNA." Xander looked at him, confused. Giles sighed, and continued. "Think of someone who has survived a suicide attempt. 99% of them say that at their point-of-death, when they are that close to passing over, they do everything possible to survive. It makes you feel somewhat sorry for the persons who do die-but that is not the point. The point is that Angel's blood was * there *, and no matter how strongly you knew it was wrong, your mind was not functioning properly, and all you knew is that you wanted to survive. And that was the only way. It was not your fault at all." Xander raised his eyebrows. "You haven't convinced me," he said sadly. Giles sighed. "Xander, you-" Xander held up his hand as the hair on the back of his neck rose. He turned to his left and to his right, and then stared at the Journal in front of him. He looked as though he was listening to something far away. "Buffy's coming," she said in an odd, detached voice. "How do you know?" Willow asked. "I have * no * idea," Xander said, still listening to whatever he was hearing. "But-she's right outside now-" Buffy entered the room, dressed in a long overcoat and high pumps. She saw Xander at the table and then demanded, "Why weren't you at your house?" Xander's eyebrows shot up. " * What * ? When do I suddenly have to report to * you * as to where * I'm * going?" Buffy's shield was a little thrown off by the furiousness that seethed in Xander's voice, but she held on to her own. "I didn't know where you had gone or what you happened to you," she replied. "I care what happens to a friend." Xander was absolutely still-no breathing, no shaking, no blinking whatsoever. Then he sucked a deep breath in. "Oh, so, Buffy, you care about a friend. You care about * all * your friends. Yeah, right, I can believe you. If you really * cared *, you would've sent Angel off to Malaysia or whatever, getting us rid of him forever. Instead, you had to do the Mattress Olympics with that * vampire * . Now your little world is crumbling around you, but you can't see past the falling walls. All you can see is Angel in that killer of an ex-boyfriend, and lemme tell you, he's a killer, all right. And he's showing you just how great a killer he can be." Buffy was hurt, but she was about tired of Xander's cruel mentions of Angel. "Leave Angel alone," Buffy said, matching the spite in her friend's tone. "And he is not after you he's after me." "We already had * that * discussion," Xander sighed, narrowing his eyes and remembering the ordeal at the cemetery. "Angel came to me again last night," Buffy said. "And he says that you were his target to hurt me, Xander. You were right. And I'm so sorry. But I'm going to make up for it, I swear. Angel's going down." Xander laughed, one so cruel and calculating that Willow had to refrain from gasping. "I hear 'going', so I say that you didn't kill the bastard last night while you two were having you're little talk. Obviously, if you couldn't do it then, you'll never do it later. And Buffy, I blame you. Blame you for everything. But go ahead and * not * kill Angel. Wait'll you see the carnage, and then you'll * know * what the hell you were doing wrong then." Buffy was smarted. This was a crueler version of an already tactless Xander, and she wasn't sure how much she could take from him/it. "I'm going through a lot, too," Buffy shot back at him. "I can't just forget all that I ever felt for him!" " * It * !" Xander practically yelled at her. "What you felt for * it * ! And now * it's * out there, probably killing tens of people around town, while you're here arguing with me about fuzzy feelings for this * monster * ." He cupped his hands around his mouth. " * Angel died the night you f-ked him! Now there's Angelus, and he is * using * him against you. Let * go * ! Don't dwell on what * was * !" The Slayer and the vampire-to-be were there, just glaring at each other, shooting daggers with their eyes. And then Xander shot up out of his chair and strode to the doors. "See you tomorrow," he growled as he left. "I'll be ready for the chains." ------------------------- "Nothing like the Bronze to cheer me up." Xander Harris stood outside the Bronze, hiding in the shadows cast in the alleys. He watched teen after teen enter the Bronze and pal around with the new bouncer, a meek little man who didn't really do what his job entitled. * That used to be me * Xander thought. Then Xander gave himself a mental slap in the face and told the thinking idiot that it was * still * him. He had one day left as a mortal, and since he didn't want to see anybody but a quarantined Cordelia, the only things left to keep him busy were brooding or going to the Bronze. And he sure as hell wasn't going to turn into Angel in five seconds flat. Give it five days. Xander fell in step behind a pair of necking lovebirds, and waited as they convinced the guy to let them on in free of charge. The bouncer, after trying to talk them out of convincing him, gave up and stamped their hands before they were allowed to enter. Then Xander stepped up, rooting around in his pant pockets for cash. "Uh, that's ok, sir," said the bouncer quickly. Xander looked up to give the man a confused look. "You go on in right ahead." He motioned for Xander to enter, and without putting up much of a fight, Xander shrugged and headed on in. If he was lucky, he could also get a free beer or two at the bar. He walked onto the dance floor, which was thick and pulsating with couples dancing to the rhythm of the CD songs they were playing on-stage. No live entertainment tonight. Xander tried to squeeze through the dancing persons when he felt someone grab his shoulder. "Hey," said a voice behind him, and Xander turned around to see a kid about his age grinning widely and nodding towards two girls standing on a dark corner of the far wall. "Twins. Wanna share?" "Uh, no thanks." The kid shrugged and then brushed of his jacket, saying "It's cool" and walking over to the girls. Xander gave him a strange look, and then decided that he needed a drink really fast. He headed over to the bar, ready to order a Coke and a sandwich or something. He sat up on one of the stools and waited till a pretty blond in something red and velvety that pushed beyond the limits of a miniskirt came in front of him. "So, what do you want?" she asked, totally somewhere else and smacking her gum loudly. She looked at Xander with a bored expression on her pretty face. "Um, Coke and a sandwich," Xander muttered. The girl raised her eyebrows. "Sure you don't wanna beer?" she asked. Now it was Xander's turned to be confused yet again. "How old do I look?" he asked, wondering what the hell was going on tonight. "27, jeez, that's what mirrors are for. Do you own one?" The girl set about to pouring him a mug of frosty beer, with the froth foaming over the top of the can, running into a sticky puddle already on the counter. She grabbed a wrapped sandwich from a pile in a basket and slammed it down before him. "Anything else?" "No," Xander said, tossing a few dollar bills on the counter. Velvet Blond scooped them up and stuffed them into her apron. She grabbed a plastic cup from the stack next to the soda machine and began to fill it with Sprite, humming some tune from a movie. Xander had slid off the counter and turned away when he heard Velvet Blond scream out in pain. He turned back to see the cup of Sprite tossed away on the counter, and Velvet Blond holding her left hand with her right. The left hand was sliced down the middle, and blood was trickling out from the thin, perfect cut. Xander stood there, frozen to the spot, and other girls in the bar rushed to help her. All he could hear, suddenly, was the heartbeat of the Velvet Blond that thrummed loudly in his ears. He suddenly felt a hunger he had never experienced before, and he licked his lips at the faintest sight of the blood. He wanted to lick it off her hand; he wanted to bite down hard and draw more blood. He wanted to eat. Something growled, and at first Xander feared that it was him, but it was instead his stomach. The room had gone kaleidoscope on him, and all he could smell, hear, and see was the blood. And then he ran. Xander just dropped all his food, and as the beer mug crashed to the floor, he was already out of the Club The next thing Xander knew he was lying in a pile of overturned trashcans, hands clamped tightly over his mouth and slowly counting to ten. By the time he reached ten, he had calmed significantly down. The lust was gone, and he barely remembered what had happened in there. It was ok . . . and then the image of the girl's hands dripping with the sweet blood filled his mind, and the strangest thing happened. At first, it felt as though someone were pricking his face with needles. Then it felt as though his skin had taken on a mind of his own, and so rapidly he hardly felt it, it just * moved * across his face with it's own accord. Suddenly the alleyway around him twisted into a square and then stood upright again, although this time he could see everything from the tiniest speck of dirt on the wall several feet away to the large "Say No To Drugs" sign hanging on the same structure. His mouth felt like suddenly he had sprouted a million more teeth, and his cheekbones must have risen an inch or so. Although this happened in mere seconds, Xander realized what had happened. He had no mirror to look into to justify his guess, but he would bet his remaining hours of living that he had his game face on. End of Chapter 7. And I know it's really seven. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight - (6/?) Date: 02 Dec 1998 17:15:14 EST This story is called Twilight. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com to send me good/bad feedback and to ask for permission to use it. I'm so sorry that I= am disorgnized with this fic. Being disorganized is teh story of my life. Twilight - The READL Chapter 6. The other was Chapter 7. You're psychic! W= ork for =09=09=09a hotline! Twilight - Chapter 5 By Luisa Matos =09=09"I think of death, it must be killin' me..." =09=09-One Headlight, the Wallflowers Xander watched the astonished expressions on everyone's faces. Xander look= ed back into the mirror, just in case he suddenly appeared, but the light sti= ll bent around him, and he could see the bookshelves behind him, and the shou= lder of Giles' coat that Xander was suppose to be covering. "Now do we panic?" Xander cracked, turning away from the mirror. He didn't want to look anymore. "I-I must consult my books immediately," Giles said robotically. He turned= to look at Xander, with such a sympathetic face that it turned Xander's stoma= ch. He must be in real trouble. "I'll find out what's happening, Xander. I promise." Xander just nodded and watched Giles leave. Then he walked over to Willow,= who was still staring dumbly at the mirror. He came up to her and touched her gently on the shoulder. "Willow?" Willow stared into the mirror, and although she could feel Xander's hand o= n her shirt, all that appeared in the mirror was a slight dent in her bright= red shirt, and not Xander's hand making it. "You're not in the mirror," Willow said, her voice trembling. "I know you're here but you're not * there *." "It's ok Willow," he soothed, and then caught her as she fell crying into = his arms. "Giles will find something on this, and he'll find a spell or someth= ing, and then we'll stop whatever's going to happen. * If * anything is going t= o happen. I'm not going to turn into a conscious-less killer like . . ." Xander didn't dare say the name, but instead glowered at Buffy, who was st= ill staring in the mirror. Since he had no reflection, she didn't see his scow= l. "Xander, you don't know what'll happen. You don't . . ." Willow didn't hav= e the heart to go on. She was just quiet, occasionally hiccuping, but findin= g comfort just by being in his arms. Buffy finally turned around, and looked at Xander with a face completely devoid of emotion. "Xander," she started her voice empty, but he cut her o= ff. "I don't want to hear what you have to say," Xander said, his voice like steel. "I don't care what you have to say, and for the remaining life of m= e, I would like to never see you again, except that's kind of hard now, but don= 't worry, if your boyfriend finishes what he's started you'll only being seei= ng me at night." Buffy's mouth opened again, but if Xander's looks could kill, they would. "Dooon't start with me!" Xander said loudly, "'cause you'll lose!" Suddenly there was the loud bang as the swing doors opened and closed loud= ly. The three teens looked up to see who had come to join their bawlfest. "Hey," Oz said, dropping his stuff by the counter. Then he noticed the loo= ks on everyone's faces. "What's happened?" he asked innocently. "I'm slowly, painfully, being turned into a vampire," Xander said with pur= e Oz blas=E9-ness. Willow started up again, this time inconsolable. Buffy just kept staring a= t the place where Xander's reflection was suppose to appear. Giles was still searching for an explanation back in the stack, and poor Oz was left stand= ing there, with but one question: "Huh?" ---- Late into the night, Giles was still fervently searching through all his books, Buffy was out patrolling, and Willow was still crying with Xander a= t his house. Oz was left in the library with the Watcher, flipping through s= ome old and musty books that possibly were not even written in English. Then a word caught his eye from a page. HALF-BREED Oz squinted and pulled the book closer to him so that he could read the ti= ny print. In the next ten minutes or so, he was engrossed in an interesting t= ext about a cross between a human and a werewolf, which was caused only when a werewolf didn't completely bite it's victim. It seemed that a half-breed h= ad complete control over when he turned into a werewolf or not, and could cha= nge without the need of a full moon: he could do it any time, anywhere, day or night. Cool. Giles voice broke his concentration. "Did you find anything?" he asked, shifting the weight of the books in his arms and leaning over Oz's shoulde= r. Oz glanced over at him, and then back at the book. "Um, no, but I did find something that could help me, I guess. About werewolves." "Oh," Giles said somewhat detachedly, quickly scanning the page. Several wrinkles sprouted on his forehead. "Perhaps this applies to Xander . . ." "So, what, he'd be like, half-vampire?" Oz asked. "Like Blade?" "Hmm, what?' Giles said, coming back to Earth. He gave Oz a quizzical look= . "Um, movie, you wouldn't know. It's about a guy, w-who has all the good tr= aits and some bad traits of a vampire. He can walk in the daylight, has supernatural strength and stuff, but still has to drink blood. I don't kno= w about the reflection thing. Does that sound like Xander?" Giles shook his head disbelievingly. "It could apply to him yes," Giles sa= id, "but the answer is much too easy. To . . . clean and simple. Nothing is ev= er wrapped up in such a neat little package in reality." "Well, who thought that vampires, werewolves, and Hellmouths existed in reality?" Oz tossed back at him, more in curiosity than to intentionally p= rove him wrong. "That knowledge was ignored by the human race until it existed only in mythology, but very few know that it is real. Because it * is * real. This 'Blade' you speak of, or a half-breed vampire, exists only in screenplays,= and the minds of horror authors and the minds of the majority of the world's population. What's happening to Xander is truly happening, in real life, a= nd not in a motion picture." "Just a suggestion," Oz muttered under his breath and Giles walked away, taking the book with him just in case Oz's hypothesis was indeed correct. = Oz pulled another book from the pile resting on the table and proceeded to lo= ok for another case like Xander's, eyes open and aware for the slightest mentioning of lycanthrophy. ---- ------------------------ "Willow," Xander asked softly, "are you awake?" The soft breathing sound from the person who lay next to him told him all = that he needed to know. Willow was fast asleep, snuggled next to Xander on his = bed, right on top of the remote so that the TV kept switching channels whenever Willow tossed or turned. And she was doing that a lot. Careful not to wake his best buddy, Xander slowly eased out from beside Wi= llow and got out of bed, all those annoying bones and muscles popping as he sto= od up and stretched his arms. Yawning widely, he stumbled across his room and into the bathroom. He sat there, not looking in the mirror, of course, because he was not the= re, but instead at a photo of him, Buffy, and Willow. He looked at his smiling face and tried to imagine it contorted into the shape of a vampire's face. Then he tried to imagine fangs. He shuddered. Then a sudden image flashed in his mind. Him, holding Willow, and slowly b= ut surely draining the blood out of her- With a sudden yelp, Xander threw the photo across the bathroom. One sharp = edge met with the wall and the photo tumbled to the floor, ending up stuck in a= n odd position underneath the clothes hamper-Xander was hidden from view, wh= ile Buffy and Willow were still in the picture, smiling widely. If there ever = was a metaphor, it was there in plain sight. "Oh Xander, what are you going to do?" he mumbled to himself, putting his = face in his hands. In no way imaginable could he ever deal with this crisis. ---- --------------------------- For hours now, Buffy had been calling herself names, telling herself what = a horrible person and awful slayer she was, and had generally been piling herself with emotional self-destruction all night long as she patrolled th= e graveyard, staking the newly-risen vamps easy and with nonchalant indifference. The real problem at hand was that possibly, in a very short while, she might be adding Xander to the "dusted vampire" list. "Aw, lover, is something wrong? Why so down in the dumps tonight? Is it because your little friend is becoming a soulless demon?" Buffy froze, and then before turning around, she collected herself. And th= en she turned around, stake held high. Angel was only a few feet away from the Slayer, and he chuckled when he noticed the stake she held. "Who are you kidding," he sneered at his ex- girlfriend. "You're not going to use that on me. You can't kill me." Buffy knew that was true, but she wound her hand tightly around the stake until she thought she would crumble to dust it in her hand. "Why did you c= ome after Xander?" she whispered in a deadly voice. "Why not me? It's me you'r= e after, it's me that you're looking to pay back." Angel grinned, and it was hideous-looking when he did that with his game f= ace on. "Hurting your friends is hurting you, and you know who I'm looking to hurt. 'Sides-Willow as a vampire? Didn't see it. And who wants Cordelia fo= r an eternity? Don't even get me started at the Watcher of yours." "Why don't you make me a vampire?" she asked, still with that deathly calm= . "Is that a request?" Angel teased. "I think not, though. I'm having fun torturing you, and if you go and be a demon, they'll be no innocent little thing of a Slayer-" he reached out to touch her ever-so-gently on her chin-"for me to mentally destroy." He stopped touching her and backed away= . "And take a hint from Dru-don't try to resist! I always win!" By the time Buffy collected her wits, Angel had already left. Her bottom l= ip quivered as she realized how completely helpless she was around him. Who w= as she kidding? Although Angel was gone, she still held on to the hope that t= here remained the tiniest vestige of Angel in Angelus, somewhere. But it wasn't true, and it would never happen-yet Buffy continued to fool herself, becau= se love and reality never truly fit together. Two puzzle pieces that look lik= e they match, but no matter how many times you shove them together, they nev= er fit. And eventually, you break one of the pieces, and the puzzle is foreve= r ruined. "I-I love you, Angel," she whispered to the wind. "I just wish I could let= you go." End of Chapter 6. Feel free to flame. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ChaseDKota@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Snowball's Chance (1/?) by Chase DeKota Date: 02 Dec 1998 19:34:20 EST TITLE: Snowball's Chance AUTHOR: Chase DeKota EMAIL: ChaseDKota@aol.com FEEDBACK: Please. DISTRIBUTION: Ask. I'll say yes. RATING: PG-14, for now SPOILERS and TIMELINE: The story pretty much carries itself. References a= ll the way up to "Band Candy." DISCLAIMER: The world of BtVS belongs to 20th Century Fox, with nods to Jo= ss Whedon and company; I'm only visiting it. 'Mac' appears courtesy of J.J. Benike. Many thanks to my beta readers. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Snowball's Chance By: Chase DeKota Part: 1/? =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D The lead singer was mumbling his way through the band's latest song. The teens on the dance floor didn't really care whether the lyrics were understandable, so long as the music was there. Someone had taken time to hang a few strands of lights and some garland around the bar in honor of t= he upcoming holiday season. Her friends were sprawled somewhere near a couch= , maybe sipping cappuccino and joking with each other. Or so Buffy Summers imagined. Instead of chatting it up, she was busy with the newest member of Sunnydal= e's undead community. With the agility and strength only a Slayer can possess, Buffy sent her opponent flying. The vamp came to a stop against a grave that the family = of the deceased had already decorated for the holidays. A wreath came loose = from its hook and the vamp was wearing it like a very festive collar. He was n= ot pleased with the look. "Where's your Christmas spirit?" The blonde tilted her head to the side and adopted a sarcastic pout. The beast growled and charged. Buffy gave a small sigh and raised her arm. T= he vampire's own momentum impaled him on the stake and he exploded in a cloud= of dust. "I *so* need a challenge." The night air had an uncharacteristic chill to it, even for this late in t= he year. Buffy zipped her jacket up and picked the wreath up off the ground. She shook the dust off and placed it back on the grave it belonged to. It wasn't too late; she could still make it to the Bronze. With a sigh, she spun around, delivering a blow that knocked whomever was sneaking up behind her to the ground. "You guys never learn," she remarke= d as she pulled another stake from her coat. "Whoa, hey! Not a vampire!" The newcomer appeared human, female, close t= o Buffy's age, very short hair, dressed in a black suit. Decidedly not a bloodsucker. "Then who are you?" The new female stood up. "I'm Mac." "What kind of name is 'Mac'?" Buffy arched an eyebrow, the stake still in= her hand. Mac shrugged. "One that serves its purpose." In no mood for games, the Slayer was ready to put the stake to use - vampi= re or not. She probably would have, had she not noticed - felt - something o= dd. She placed her fingers lightly to her cheek and found it cold and wet. Slowly, Buffy lifted her head up to the black sky. Her eyes widened and crossed as she focused on something, watching it spiral down=85down=85down= to the tip of her nose. A snowflake. First one, then another. And another. Th= ey continued until they were falling steadily. It was snowing in Sunnydale, California. "Well=85this is new." "You ain't seen nothing yet." =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (8/?) Date: 03 Dec 1998 04:28:10 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: ~Shadows~ DISTRIBUTION: Oh GOD please distrubute it! If it just lives on my hard drive, then it's a waste. And totally ask permission first, though. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com That address is always were you must send feedback. PLEASE, feedback. I need that more than I need distribution! (: DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Cross my heart and hope to die if the words I speak are indeed a lie. Yet, I am typing, so do the same rules apply . . . ? Insta-poem. Twilight - Chapter 7 "Who will save your soul?" -Who Will Save Your Soul?, Jewel The hooded figure walked rapidly down the empty halls of the high school. Classes were session, and the figure, hidden underneath the baggy, long- sleeved green sweatshirt, used this time to make his way to the library. Nobody would be in the halls. He wasn't counting on Snyder to be patrolling the halls for slackers. "Hey-you!" The sniveling voice of the school principal rang loud down the corridor. The figure halted suddenly, and then slapped himself on the head, muttering under his breath. The figure waited patiently until the troll-er, principal-caught up with him. Snyder approached the figure slowly, and then spun on his heel so that he was in front of him. He couldn't se the face, because the hood was pulled almost shut over the figure's face. "The Student Code of Conduct," Snyder started, smiling his little evil grin, "clearly states that the Dress Code does not allow head coverings of any kind, and hoods of sweatshirts are included. And I bet you know that I do not give warnings-I give punishments. Does detention sound good to you?" The hooded head slowly nodded in acknowledge. "Now take it off," Snyder sneered, quite happy at having bagged another slacker. The figure hung it's head, and then one sleeve-covered arm slowly peeled off the hood, exposing the pale face of Xander Harris. His eyes squinted at the sunlight coming in from the large window only a few paces away, and he held his hand over his face to shield himself, but was still able to see Commandante Snyder standing there, grinning with his sharp, little teeth. Troll. "Well, Mr. Harris. Why am I not surprised? And where were you headed to?" "The library, Principal Snyder." "Oh * really *. And why was that?" " * Because * ." Xander said, struggling to keep his anger at bay. Who knew what could trigger his game face? " The first time I do my homework, I leave it in the library. How's that for luck?" "Homework for what?" Oh no, what class was he suppose to be in right now? "Science," he answered. "Mr. Brodie. We were suppose to do-" "I don't care," Snyder said, cutting him off. "And I don't believe you either." Xander's eyebrows creased in worry. "But Principal-" "Quiet, Harris. I'm not afraid of cutting into you at all, now, that Mommy the Lawyer is gone. She's dead, and now I have free reign to make you start doing good in this school. Believe me, I waited for so long-" "Don't," Xander said calmly. "Don't you * ever * talk about my mother that way." Snyder's eyes narrowed into slits. "Don't you ever talk to * me * that way. That bi-" With fluid reflexes that were still strange and new to him, Xander grabbed Snyder by the throat and pinned him up against a row of lockers, several feet off the floor. Snyder immediately started kicking and trying to peel Xander's hands of his throat, which were as cold and as unmoving as stone. "Help!!!" Snyder shrieked. "If you * ever * speak about my mother like that I * swear * I'll do permanent damage do your shrunken little limbs," Xander growled, on the verge of completely vamping out. "And I'm not bluffing. You have * no * idea who you are messing with." Snyder just looked at him shocked. Since his face was turning a purplish red, he choked out "I promise. Just let me go! Let me go!" "Let him go, Xander!" Xander whipped his head around to see Willow and Buffy standing there in the hall, just in front of the library doors. They were looking at him with shocked expressions, and immediately Xander felt guilty and ashamed. He turned back to Snyder and felt a little less murderous. "Down?" he asked his captive. Snyder nodded quickly, and Xander let go of him, watching him fall hard on his butt and wince at the pain in his neck. Then Xander pulled the hood over his head and stomped off to the library, hurrying through the patch of sunlight, and pushing past Buffy and Willow, practically running inside. Snyder was left on the floor, rubbing his neck and staring up at the Slayer and the Hacker. They exchanged odd looks and then hurried off to their own destinations as quickly as possible. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Xander was headed as fast as possible towards Giles' office, but he couldn't escape Buff & Will. "The hell was that?" an angry voice demanded from behind. Xander turned around, to see an angry Buffy and a frightened Willow, who were both crossing their arms. He sighed, and then asked, "What was what?" "Xander, you were * hurting * him out there!" Willow declared. "He was turning red? How do you explain yourself?" "I have nothing to ex*plain*," Xander said, idignant. "I was only hurting him for a little while, until apologizing for being glad that my mother was * dead * . It's not like I was going to 8 kill * him or anything." "How do we know that?" Buffy interjected hotly. "Xander, who knows what's going on with you? I mean, I didn't know if you were going to hurt him or not out there! You were lucky I didn't suddenly rush you and stake you in the heart! You've got to control yourself!" "You don't have to so * why * do I!" Xander yelled back at her, realizing how juvenile and kindergarten-ish he sounded. "Shut up at leave me alone!" "Stop bringing up the past and * stop acting five * !" Buffy spat back. "We're dealing with serious stuff here!" "I know," Xander growled. "Why the hell do you think that I'm already here? I don't even know when I'll turn into *what*ever. I'm here to make sure that I don't go psycho and really kill Snyder, and you're hear giving me crap because of some little choking incident. I * want * to control myself. I can't * help * that I might slip!" He glared angrily at Buffy until she lowered her eyes in understanding. "Sorry," she murmured. "I was just worried for a moment . . . that I might actually have to do that then and there." "Don't worry," Xander said matter-of-factly. "You'll get to do it soon enough." Buffy was just about to retort when Giles came out of his office, apparently after hearing the exchange. "Stop fighting like children," he reprimanded harshly. "I will not allow that." Obviously, he was peeved for some reason unknown that lately had seemed to be bugging him. He held a piece of paper that was tightly clenched in his hand. He glared at the teens in HIS library and then stomped off to the counter to angrily stamp "Sunnydale High Library" into some books. Buffy went off to console Giles, which left Willow and Xander standing there, the redhead's fear dissipated. Then Xander stormed off into the office, slamming the door loudly behind him. The loud clinking of metal was heard. * I better go help him with those chains * , Willow though, heading towards the office door. * And maybe I can keep him company * . ------------------------- Xander knelt by the far wall of the office, trying in vain to chain himself up. It was an impossible task-sure, you could handcuff yourself, but after that it was like you were trying to do the Wave in a straightjacket. And the worst part was that Xander had already handcuffed himself, and he didn't have the key. Dammit. "Dammit," Xander proclaimed aloud to the room and he tugged on his handcuffed hands again, just making the desk move more to the right and making the cool, click metal dig deep into his wrists. A little more than upset, he tugged once more again, and cried out in pain as the metal finally cut into his skin. "Let me help you with that." Xander looked over his shoulder to see Willow just closing the office door behind her. Xander sighed and shrugged. "Ok," he said, stepping as far back as he could while Willow examined what he had got himself into. "You're bleeding," she noticed as she unlocked him. Xander nodded. "Who cares." Willow was silent. Once he was unlocked, she sat him down and starting to methodically chain him to the wall, doing it exactly as Oz & Giles had shown her. Xander was staring off into the distance as she went about her work. "You know," Xander spoke up quietly, "I can do that thing." Willow kept a straight face, but was smiling inside from the fact that Xander was talking to her. "What thing?" she asked curiously. "That . . . ugly thing. With my face." He swallowed when he saw Willow's slightly creeped-out look. "Sorry. Shouldn't have mentioned it . . . don't know why I did." "It's ok," Willow said, turning the key in the lock. Now Xander most definitely could not move, and his vampire form would have a hell've a hard time trying to break free. She stepped back and instead of leaving, sat down cross-legged before him. "C-can I see?" Xander's head shot up sharply, and he looked at her like she was insane. " * Why? * " Willow shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know. But can I?" Xander sighed. He ducked his head down, and when he looked back up he wore his vampire face. His yellow eyes were empty and read of shame and embarrassment. Then he looked away, face still vamped out. "I'm a monster." Willow's eyes teared up, and then she hugged Xander tightly. "Oh god Xander, you're not a monster. You're my best friend, you'll always be, and I * know * that this is going to turn out alright. Ok, Xander? Agree?" When she pulled away, Xander's face was back to normal, but his eyes still expressed those dark feelings. "Whatever you say, Will," he agreed without convinction. "But . . . I would like to be alone now. Until night. And then you can-" Xander checked himself before he blurted out "kill"-"check up on me." Willow looked at her friend and then bent over to kiss him on the forehead. "Whatever * you * say." She stood up and walked to the door. As she pulled open the doorknob, she looked back one more time. "I'll be right out there, ok?" Xander nodded, and then Willow left. And he was alone. End of Chapter 8. Nine on teh way as quick as I can. ~Shadows~ _/\_ ~(*^*)~ "It looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny." --Xander, re: Giles, Surprise (If everyone else can have fav quotes, me too!) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (oops again, darn it) Date: 03 Dec 1998 04:33:50 EST OK, the chapter that i sent was really seven, yadda yadda yadda, sorry. eh, but who's reading it anyway? (: ~Shadows~ _/\_ (*^*) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: uzenet@videotron.ca Subject: BUFFYFIC: Nothing Date: 04 Dec 1998 15:54:32 -0500 Title: Nothing Author: Northlight email: uzenet@videotron.ca Spoilers: Band Candy Summary: Giles and Joyce try to deal with what happened while under the influence of the candy. Disclaimer: Joss owns all the Buffy characters and most (if not all) of the events mentioned in the following fic. "It was nothing," Joyce Summers mumbled into her pillow. "Nothing at all," she repeated in order to convince herself of just how unimportant the event that kept on running through her mind was. Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as the image she had been trying to banish for the past week sprung from her stubborn memory once again. Her breath caught in her throat and Joyce nearly groaned in despair. Rupert Giles. Ripper. His hands swiping through his hair... snagging a cigarette from behind one ear... leaping out from the jagged remains of the window he had broken with the coat in his arms... laying her against the hood of the car... his mouth on hers... Her eyes snapped open, a her cheeks flushed at the memory of exactly _what_ her teenage self had done with the man that night. She growled and pounded at her pillow in frustration. Once she stopped her assault, the pillow was thoroughly flattened, but her emotions were in as much turmoil as they had been moments before. This time, Joyce did groan and dropped back down onto her pillow. She fidgeted beneath her sheets and stared up at the darkened ceiling of her bedroom. Her eyes peered into the darkness, as if the solution to her problem was hidden away behind the shadows. 'Hey, it's the Hellmouth, after all. You never know...' As hard as she looked, no answers emerged from the darkness in order to make itself known to her. Rather, her study of them allowed Rupert Giles to sneak back into the forefront of her mind. His hair was delightfully tousled, and he stared down at her, a cocky grin plastered on his face. His eyes shifted away from hers behind his glasses, flustered, his lips pinched in embarrassment. A bare arm emerged from under the covers to flop over Joyce's eyes. The other toyed with the edge of her sheet, her agitation clearly visible through her fingers ceaseless plucking of the material. 'What have I gotten myself into?' Joyce wondered, shocked at her actions that night and her subsequent preoccupation with said actions. She was acting more like a flustered teenager with a crush than a mature woman capable of dealing with a little... what? Sex induced by magiked band candy? The part that made it so damned awkward was that Joyce didn't know what to feel. There was mortification at her brazen actions that night, 'on a police car, for goodness sake!', and then, there was another part that secretly delighted in the emotions that she had experienced. Nor did she know what to think about Giles. She didn't love him, she barely even knew the man. She did respect him, though... she had even begun to think of him as a friend during the months that Buffy had been gone. What would their little adventure do to their relationship? He had obviously been uneasy around her the day they had met outside the school. Yet they would have to deal with each other quite a bit, as both of them had a claim in Buffy's life. 'He's probably used to this by now,' Joyce thought, envisioning Giles comfortably asleep, without the slightest tinge of confusion regarding the nature of their relationship, past, current, and future. Joyce rolled onto her side and blearily gazed into the face of her alarm clock. The glowing red numbers informed her that she still had a while to go before morning. '1:00' she thought with a sigh, burrowing her face back into her pillow. *** From his position on the couch, Giles could barely make out the clock hanging from his kitchen wall. He squinted at it, silently urging the dancing little numbers to stay still long enough for him to make out what they were. '1:00,' he noted the time with dismay. "And yet another night kept awake by the specter of Joyce Summers," Giles slurred, holding his glass out in a mock toast. His head lolled back against the back of the couch and his eyes drifted shut. This was never how he had planned to move on after Jenny, 'if I had ever even considered doing so...' -- not because of one of Ethan's tricks, and not with a woman who had barely known who she was, much less what she was doing. "What a great bloody fool you are," Giles growled to himself in disgust. He had let himself be tricked, let Ripper have free reign, made a fool of himself, and sunk into sleepless nights and guilt. The fact that he had enjoyed it somehow made his actions all the worse. Giving into 'Ripper' again had been exhilarating, frighteningly so. And Joyce... 'Yes, what about Joyce? What must she think of you now?' When they had met at the school the day following their misadventure, he had clearly seen the embarrassment on her face. That had the potential to be awkward in their future dealings... encounters which they could not possibly avoid one another while they both were a part of Buffy's life. He shuddered to consider what Joyce must think of his qualifications as Buffy's Watcher after his shameless display of violence and all around delinquency. He shook his head and groaned. 'At least I can be thankful that Buffy doesn't know exactly what her mother and I did...' Giles thought, flushing slightly at _that_ particular memory. 'On a police car, of all places!' Deep inside his mind, from his carefully guarded prison, Ripper snickered. 'That was certainly one to remember, wasn't it, old boy?' the impudent little voice whispered tauntingly. The remnants of who he had been had become much more insistent since his defenses had been weakened by that blasted candy. 'You should abandon that tweed uniform more often. Live a little. Hell, you could even invite Joyce along for the ride!' "Shut up," Giles muttered sourly, blindly reaching out for his glass and lifting it to his lips. Giles drained his glass, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand before pouring more of the amber liquid into the glass. 'It was nothing. Absolutely nothing.' 'Now if only I could believe that...' ~End~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter) Date: 04 Dec 1998 18:48:28 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows DISTRIBUTION: Oh, pretty please? DISCLAIMER: I know that if I break 'em, I buy 'em. But for now they aren't mine. You just wait, though. I don't handle merchandise well . . . NOTE: I've given up trying to figure out whch chapter I'm on. So sorry. Right now they're just given as "next chapter" adn eventually "last chapter" because for some reason, I can't count them right, adn I don't want to mess you up more than I've already had. But if you look REALLY hard, the story does make sense. So, uh, here ya go. Twilight - Next Chapter "I heard the truth about you." -Why I Don't Believe In God, Everclear The worried, hushed voices outside the office were to low for Xander to make out words, but the noise itself irritated Xander as he sat on the ground, pinned uncomfortably against the wall, and bound by chains and metal bric-a- brac. It seemed like he had been here forever, but he knew that he had been here only for a few hours. And some internal clock of his was * sure * that it would soon be sunset. And the dull fear in his stomach was now erupting into something much larger. Xander had tried falling asleep, but he only got quick five-minute naps because his body kept forcing him awake. He was afraid to just think, because sooner or later he'll start talking to himself and that would be driving himself insane. So Xander was spending most of his time just staring at the white-washed walls with his mind completely blank. It was like any regular school day-except after dark, he wouldn't be trying to fight vampires, he'd * be * one. It was incredibly boring in here. Xander had often wondered, in a slightly morbid way, what would be his last thoughts before he died. Now that he was having them, he realized that they were very dull. But the strangest thing was that right now, he didn't' really care if he died. He wouldn't want to live as a vampire, and going through this quick torture of turning into one was enough to send him over the suicidal brink. A memory of Willow and he when they were seven floated through his mind. It was funny, but you had to be there to be in the moment. Xander and Willow had been watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas," and then out of nowhere Willow started humming that dreidel song. The two of them had found it hilarious, and afterwards they always hummed it during the Christmas showing, just for the fun of it, even when they were sixteen & seventeen. Sigh. Memories. Xander leaned his head back on the cool surface of the wall, closing his eyes and sighing loudly. They must've heard it outside, because suddenly the voices and the shuffling were stopped. Then, after awhile, they continued again, and Xander laughed. "I'm so sick and tired of being alive," he told the room. "I want it all to go away." "Don't ever wish that," said a sad voice behind him. Startled, Xander practically jumped out of his skin, and then tried in vain to twist himself sideways so that he could see his roommate. Although it was irritating, he could finally twist his head far enough so that he could make out a face. In a second, red-hot anger flowed through his veins and his face vamped out. He struggled with all his might against his chains, racking against the wall, and he let out a bellow of a roar. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- At the sound of the roar, Willow jumped out of her chair. She, Buffy, and Giles exchanged nervous glances, and then all three turned to look out the window. At least a half hour until sunset. There was still time . . . to decide. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- The chains that bound him most certainly bound him, and no matter how many times he was trying to break free it just wasn't happening. So finally, he lay slumped there in defeat, glaring with yellow, hate-filled eyes at the person who stood a ways from him . . . Angel. "Come near me and I * swear * I'll break free," Xander growled, still working the chains, although he wasn't too exuberant anymore. He was breathing heavily, more out of habit than of actual need. If anything, the shackles and handcuffs seemed much more tighter pressed against his skin. Meanwhile, Angel was still standing there, with a strange sadness in his face, along with the feeling of repulsiveness. He peered at Xander, as if to examine him closely, and as he walked nearer Xander watched his every move with wary demon eyes. Finally, Angel knelt before Xander, examine every crook of his vamped-out face. Xander could only sit there, unable to do anything but growl ferociously. Then Angel spoke: "What did he * do * to you?" he asked, his voice laced with hidden pain. Xander looked at him in surprise. ". . . the hell . . .?" "How could I have done this?" Angel continued, his face twisted with inner angst. He looked pitiful-probably as much as Xander did at that moment. "How could I have done this to Buffy?" Xander was going to blurt out a "Do you remember * who * you are?" to the creepy form of the vampire that stood before him, but the mention of Buffy once again angered him. "How could you do this to * BUFFY * ?" he screamed at the vampire. "Dammit, will you people notice who's the real victim here?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Buffy was busy twiddling her thumbs, Willow was busying herself with trying to figure out what her totem animal was, and Giles was being Giles. Buffy, though, was the only one listening to this conversation Xander was apparently having with himself. He's going insane, Buffy told her head. Sometimes I think I am too. You are, retorted the voice. More and more you keep coming to me. Get a stuffed animal or a shrink. I've got better things to do with my time. Then the voice clicked itself off again. Buffy's grip on the edge of the table tightened considerably, while her grip on reality slid back down the rope a little. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Angel stepped back as though Xander's words were a physical prescense, pushing him backwards. Then he blinked at Xander, and then said, "You don't get it." "No * duh * , Dead Boy," Xander said hotly. "One minute your toying with the idea of making me a demon and the next you * apologize * for it? No crap I don't get it. Would you?" Angel did some more of his mournful blinking-stare things and then turned to Giles' desk, which had been cleared in case Vampire Xander felt the need to throw things at the Slayer. Angel looked at it, stared at the glassy wood, and then rested his hand on it. Well, that's what he looked like he meant to do. What really happened was the act of his hand going straight through I, and acquiring a sort of ghostly glow. Xander sucked in his breath, and then withdrew it sharply. "What was that?" he asked, suddenly afraid. Angel the poltergeist? Too weird. But wait. Why would Angel be ghost-like? He was still alive: very much so, and making more of his kind. Yet, here was a spirit talking to him- "Whatever you are, you better get the hell out of here before I figure out a way out of these chains. 'Cause I'll kill you-" "I'm not here for you to hate me," Angel said. "I'm here so that you can give Buffy a message." Xander snarled. "I'm not going to her anything from * you * ," he sneered. "I'd rather die." "You are," Angel said sadly. "I can't believe that I did this to you." "What the hell * are * you?" Angel paused. He traced dust on the table with his fingers, not stirring it at all. When he finally looked up at Xander, his face seemed to have paled. "I'm the soul. The good, of Angelus." "My life is not * too * complicated," Xander muttered. "You're * what * ?" "I can't explain this all to you now, Xander. I only have some time to appear to you. Even though you have vampire psychic powers, you don't have the amount that makes me able to stay longer. Ah . . ." he trailed off. "Willow isn't trained enough to receive that kind of communication either." " * Willow * ?" Xander exploded. He tried to stand up, but those chains pulled him down before he ever stood. " * What * is she not trained for?" Angel's eyes grew wider. "I-I'm not the one to tell the information. It's not my place . . ." he acquired a pained expression. "I only have something for Buffy." Thousand of possibilities were flashing through Xander's mind, but the forming thoughts were slowly slipping away from him, like pouring water. Then the thoughts were gone altogether, and Xander was left with only the faint impression of Willow's image in his mind-not at all unusual. "What message do I have to give her?" Xander grunted. "That is, if I still have my * soul * ." Angel didn't bat an eyelash. "I want you to tell her that I said to kill me." He swallowed. "Kill me already. I can't stand to see me doing all this torture you her-to you-to everyone. And it hurts to know that I'm feeling great about it all." "I've been telling her that for what-forever?" Xander said. "What'll make her listen now? Like she'll really believe me. She doesn't listen to anything that I say. Otherwise you would've been dust so very long ago." Angel nodded. "I know. This is a slim chance, but she might listen . . . you never know what can happen. She just might see that you aren't lying, and-" Angel cut off mid-sentence as his image started to flicker. "I can't stay long," he rushed. "I have to go back. Xander, promise me you'll tell her. Please . . ." Xander looked the vampire-soul coldly in the eye, keeping his mouth firmly shut. "You can count on me to say it," he said icily, "and you can count on me to do it myself if I have to." The image faded and flickered away without another word. The silence once again settled around him, and the voices outside increased in volume. They ran together, like a stream, and Xander's thoughts flowed with them. He was so tired, so confused, and above all, so bitter . . . And then the pain came. End of this chapter.Next one right after it's (badly)edited. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter) Date: 05 Dec 1998 19:34:11 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows E-MAIL: Titanic437@aol.com DISTRIBUTION: Oh please please pretty please? With blood on top? E-mail me for permission! DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, Kuzui productions, and all teh other lucky folks. Twilight - Next Chapter "I don't know him anymore." -Torn, Natalie Imbruglia Buffy and Willow were discussing one of the passages from the rest of Reginald's journal when the thundering scream of pain came bursting out of the room. Willow dropped the journal and covered here ears. Buffy did the same. There was a swear from the bookshelves and Giles came running out, a frightened expression on his face. Then the scream ended as abruptly as it had started. There was no sound whatsoever, and everyone in the room exchanged nervous glances. Willow looked downright scared. "Oh god, it's Xander," she whispered. "What's he going through . . .?" Another scream came, one much more louder and sounded vaguely like he was yelling "Help!". It ended in gurgling sounds and then there was only the sound of metal scraping against metal. Willow looked nervously at Buffy. "Maybe we should-" she started. "No." Giles had sat down hard next to her, and was staring at the room a though he were in a daze: as they all were. "We can't go in there. It doesn't sound safe. Something hit the wall-they didn't know what-hit the door and it bent under the weight. They all held their breaths, but the door stood firm. The object kept bouncing around the room though, thumping against the emptiness. What * is * going on there?, Buffy asked herself, The voice provided no comment. ----------------------- A twisted growl escaped from somewhere deep inside Xander as he was once again tossed at one of the walls like a rag doll. His body convulsed terribly as he hit the floor hard, and the metal that still hung on to his handcuffed hands reared up and slapped him in the face. He roared in pain as another jolt of seeming-electricity shot through his body. It was really the demon trying to claim its new territory, and it was extremely pissed off that it was taking more time than usual. The world spun once more, and Xander's handcuffs finally burst as his hands were brought to his aching head. Visions from another place entered his shaking mind-of a place dark and red with fire, Hell. Of places cold and dark and without color and feeling, limbo. Horrible things that this demon had done flashed through his mine, and he moaned loudly for all that he saw. And within seconds, he was airborne again, as the demon tried to burrow his way into Xander's body and kick his soul out for good. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- As the sounds of struggle subsided to a low growl and the occasional howl, Buffy eyed her Watcher. He, in turn, looked at his watch, and noticed that it was about time sunset would be over. He looked at the watch and nodded. It was twilight indeed. The growl was fading, and then there was only the sound of clacking metal. Willow's nails were digging into her skin, and Buffy had long ago broken the arms of the chair that she was sitting in. Now Giles nodded at her and gave her to go ahead. With a nervous glance at Willow, Buffy rose and walked to the office. The door opened easily, and Buffy gasped as she entered. The desk was overturned and sitting clear across the room, in a corner. The chains were in molten metal chunks scattered all over the room, and there were dents and scuffs in the wall and in the door. Xander was no where in sight. Yeah right. Buffy had been sneaked up by seemingly invisible vampires before. She turned around in a circle, and then decided that Xander must be behind the desk. Why he was hiding, she had no idea. Slowly, she climbed up on the desk and looked over. Xander was there, turned away from her and curled up, shivering, in the fetal position. His clothes were slightly ripped and torn, and he was stuck up against the walls, remnants of the handcuffs still around his wrists. "Xander?" Buffy asked. Upon hearing the sound of her voice, Xander froze. Slowly he began to uncurl himself, and still facing away, he stood up. Once all straightened up, he said in a flat and emotionless voice, "Please leave." Buffy paused. Should she go? What should she say? This was very awkward. So she didn't do anything at all. She just stood there, spinning the stake in her hand, and wondering if Xander was suddenly going to turn around and eat her for dinner-or breakfast. "Did you here what I said?" Xander's voice was very soft, almost so that she couldn't hear it. He turned his head to the side, so that she could she his outline, but then he turned back to facing the wall. "Please leave. I'll . . . be out there soon." Buffy turned around on her heel without saying at word. What * would * she say? Anything and everything would come out stupid. Buffy realized that conversation would be very hard to deal with Xander from now, unless they were arguing. That would always be easy. Willow and Giles were anxiously searching her face as she exited, and with reading her look as "confused," they were equally so. "So I assume that Xander has not been taken over by the demon?" Giles asked, straight to the point. "No, he . . . wants to be alone," Buffy said, walking up to them. They all huddled around each other in front of the mirror. "He said he'd be out there soon. I . . . don't want to rush him." "You shouldn't," Giles agreed. "None of this should be taken lightly in the least. "What he must be going through . . ." Willow trailed off. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------ Since all three of them were standing in front of the mirror, it was a joke that Xander had to sneak out of the library. Instead, he just casually walked by, his footfalls making not a sound, his reflection not appearing. They were utterly oblivious to his escape. They didn't even hear the swinging doors shut behind him as he left the library with only one thought on his mind. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- "It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Willow asked. Oz had appeared a few minutes earlier, and now the four of them were sitting in the library, waiting for Xander to come out. He still hadn't, and now they were getting worried-and Buffy suspicious. Willow gave Buffy a nervous glance, and Buffy turned towards Giles as to ask, * What do I do * ? Oz just looked back and forth between all of them. "Maybe you should check on him," Oz offered. "See if he needs help or anything with, uh, something. I don't know. Whatever's keeping him locked up in there." Giles agreed. "We should check up on him. We don't know exactly if Xander is well or not. Remember what happened with Jacob and Seth-" "Well, than why didn't he attack Buffy?" Willow asked, in defense of her friends Even if Xander was a demon, she would never come to terms with it. It wasn't Xander. And it was * not * his fault. "I'm going to check on him," Buffy said, putting her hands down on the table and rising out of the chair. "Wish me luck." She walked over to the office and entered. Immediately she reappeared, her face pale. "What is it?" Willow demanded, her stomach suddenly cold and empty with fear. "He's not there," Buffy informed them. "He . . . left." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- The factory had burned down, so for now Angelus, Drusilla, and Spike were homeless. In a sense. They were currently residing in an old and disgusting abandoned warehouse next door to the smoldering remains, until they found someplace new that they liked. And considering Dru's picky taste, they might be here for awhile, because neither Spike nor Angelus wanted to upset their unstable psychic vampire. "Angel . . ." Drusilla walked up behind him from where he sat in the chair. With her two index fingers, she traced an invisible pattern on his shoulders. "The stars are whispering sweet secrets again," she told him in his ear. Then she giggled and snapped her teeth, pulling far back so that Angel couldn't turn around and catch her in a kiss. She laughed and danced far away from Angel to the other side of the room, with Spike. Spike, who had been watching the little scene from his wheelchair, glared at Dru as she sat comfortably in his lap. "The stars speak of such things the moon would never tell," she announced to both her lovers. "The moon knows nothing. It's all in the stars. Thoughts . . ." She trailed off, staring dreamily at absolutely nothing on this plane. Her long black hair fell down her knobby, bare shoulders, and her large black eyes were glassy and glazed. "Do you want to know what the stars had to say about everything?" she whispered to the ceiling. "Do tell, Dru," Angel said, turning around in her chair. Drusilla looked back at him and then let out a throaty laugh. "To do, with you, angel, but not you only," Dru laughed. She leaned close to Spike as though to kiss him, but instead she whispered in a low voice. "The oak'll win in the end. As it should be." "Speak up, Dru dear," Angel said. "I didn't quite catch it." "The oak." Drusilla repeated again. She leaped off of Spike's lap and walked around the room, idly wringing her hands. "It wins, we lose, but we can always tell from the lie. Can we?" She directed this question more to herself than anyone else. "Sometimes we can't. But we are very clever, vampires we are. Agree? Yes, I do too. Rather . . ." She let her sentence hang there, and then fell to the floor, managing to land gracefully somehow. She looked down and smoothed her red-and-black dress. "Where is Miss Lizbette? She must retire for the night. It is awfully cold for my dolly . . ." Angel sighed and went back to his evil-little brooding thing he had going on. Concocting a plan to screw with Buffy's mind even more, he was bothered by Drusilla's outbursts, especially when they meant absolutely nothing. And this time, her visions seemed like gibberish. Hence, he ignored her. Spike sighed and rolled his wheelchair further into the shadows. Drusilla, no matter how recovered she seemed, still had her little, subtle bouts of lunacy. When she got this way, it was best to ignore her or and it was definitely not good to humor her. It only encouraged her. "Someone is coming to visit," Drusilla announced again. "We are to have company. Look your best and impress your father, Dru!" Oh great, Spike thought. As much as he loved her, when she went into her first-personage, it got fast real quick. Let's just hope that she doesn't start reenacting her twelfth birthday. It's a killer. Makes me wish I was dead-again. Suddenly there was the sound of thumping footsteps behind him, and Spike twisted his neck around. Not too far, in the shadows, was the still form of that human creep, Xander. "What the hell is he doing here?" Spike asked, getting both Angel and Dru's attention. They looked at the boy, Angel with a slightly confused face, and Drusilla with a happy smile. Spike was upset. "I ask again, * what * in the bloody hell is he doing here?" Angel was about to explain when Xander emerged out of the shadows, at the same time morphing his face into it's evil visage. He grinned widely, exposing his fangs. "Figure it out for yourself, Spike," he told the vampire, practically leering. Spike was shocked, Angel was figuring out what was to become of this, and Dru was rising from where she was on the floor, hands clasped tightly in joy. "Oh goodie," she said, walked towards him as though she were floating on air. "A new playmate." End of this chapter. almost done with the next! (: < beg > feeback wanted! < / beg > ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter) Date: 06 Dec 1998 03:28:34 EST TITLE: Twilight AUTHOR: Shadows (Titanic437@aol.com) DISTRIBUTION: Must I BEG? 'Cause I will. (: DISCLAIMER: this'll be teh last time I say this. THEY AREN'T MINE, SO DON'T EVEN THINK IT. Buffy teh Vampire Slayer in all shapes and forms belong to Joss Whedon, teh WB, Kuzui Productions, yadda yadda yadda. Don't sue me, no money. Twilight - Next Chapter "Yes, I do believe there is a violent thing inside of me." -White Men In Black Suits, Everclear Giles had been telling her as far back since the first time that he met her to use her special Slayer senses. Buffy had always disregarded that aspect of training-the physical Slaying abilities worked pretty well, and her regular human senses got along just fine in the job of Vampire Slaying. But now, as she was stalking Xander, those senses stirred deep within her and she just * knew * were they were headed. At first Buffy had thought Spike, Dru, and Angel were awfully stupid to actually put up their new little hangout right next to the one Giles had burned down not-so-long-ago. But as she mulled over it, she realized that it was rather ingenious in a way. Certainly she would never think to look for them in that sagging place of a structure, especially since it was right next to the remains of the factory wreckage. It just seemed very unlikely. So of course they would trudge on over here and set up camp. Buffy was so awed that her sensing powers were working that she ran as fast as she could to the warehouse where she felt the vampire sense the strongest. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Drusilla spun around several times before coming up behind Xander. She took a long nail and traced it slowly up his side, until it was resting just above his neck. She leaned in, and just brushed her lips alongside his ear. "Ooh, this will be fun," she giggled. "Well, I wasn't sure if it would wok, but I guess it did," Angel said with a devilish smile, standing up from his chair. Spike stuck his legs out in Angel's path, but the vampire simply stepped casually over it. Spike glared at him as Angel went up to Xander. Xander didn't budge as Angel slapped him heartily on the back. He just grinned and watched as Drusilla danced away from the two and into Spike's wheelchair-bound lap. "There will be short times to do many a thing," she told the inhabitants of the warehouse. Angel turned to Xander, still firmly holding onto his shoulder. "So, how's it feel to be evil?" he asked. "Couldn't be better," Xander growled. He morphed back into his human face and let his eyes roam across the large room they were standing in. "You've got quite a place here," he commented dryly. "It'll do for now," Angel said, letting his eyes roam also. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his tight pants. "For now." " * So * ," Spike said in one loud breath, starting to roll towards them. Angel narrowed his eyes, but Xander studied the handicapped demon with curiosity. "I suppose he's on of * us * now?" He jerked his fingers towards Research Boy. "Yup," Xander answered. He wiggled his eyebrows. "Ready for the competition, Spike?" Angel laughed aloud as Spike narrowed his eyes. "I like your new self already," he told the newest member of the Fang Gang. "And I can bet you're gonna like it around here." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Buffy was crouched behind several rusted pieces of the decaying catwalk, high above anyone's view. Her fingers wrapped even tighter around the metal sidings as she watched Xander, who was palling around with a Angel, fawned over by Drusilla, and getting evil looks cast by Spike. He was acting just like he had been around the trio forever, and they were readily accepting him. Buffy's eyes teared up. Giles, Willow, and Oz were still in the library, armed with stakes, crosses, and holy water, in case Xander cared to pay a visit. Oz had been comforting Willow when Buffy had closed the back door behind her, but she suspected that the hacker would realize by now that Xander had already died. This demon was not him. Buffy also realized that it was the same case-in-point for Angel. This new demon in his body was Angelus, not the man she had fallen in love with. But she could not realize that-and perhaps Willow would never realize who Xander was. She reached into her coat pocket and grabbed one of her stakes. She planned to jump off the catwalk, knock Xander down, and possibly get him * and * Angel in one strike. Maybe even add Drusilla in, if at all possible. Spike didn't seem like much of a threat at the moment. But plans don't always go as planned. Someone came up from behind and punched her in the head. Dazed, she turned around in time to deflect another blow that would have certainly taken her out. The vampire who was attacking her obviously had brawns but no brain, and she was easily dodging his strong hits, without disturbing the catwalk in the least and without a sound from Clumsy. Meanwhile . . . ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Angel was making some cracks at Spike's condition for Xander and Dru's amusement. Spike was glaring at he world, and Xander didn't blame him. Angel was acting pretty harsh. But god was it hilarious. "" Angel said, laughing uproariously. He turned to Xander. "True, don't you think?" Xander nodded. "" "Hey!" Spike said. " * You * better not make fun of me, you wanker. Just who do you think you are?" "Aw, let him have some fun, Spike," Angel said, patting Xander on the shoulder. "He's one of us, now." Suddenly there was the faintest of all sounds up on the catwalk. All four vampires shot their heads up. "It's * her * ," Dru moaned, putting a fluttering hand up to her head. "She has intentions on destruction . . . again!" "So she * does * ," Angel said, smirking. He put a fatherly hand on Xander's shoulder. "How do you feel about fighting * her * ?" he asked, looking up at the catwalk and watching the oblivious slayer. Xander eyed Angel's hand on his shoulder. Slowly, his face vamped out. He reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a thin stake that fit easily in his hand. "I'd feel fine," he said, right before he moved to plunge in into Angelus' heart. Suddenly Angel whirled around and grabbed Xander's hand, thrusting it over his head. His vampire smile was almost as disgusting as the fleshy ridges sitting on his forehead. "Sometimes," he told Xander, "even a vampire can't trick a vampire." Xander's eyes widened as Angel kicked him hard in the shin, causing him to bend over in pain. Still holding his arm, Angel kicked him in the face, and then used his arm to propel him across the room. Xander howled in pain as he slid to a halt in front of Spike's wheelchair. "Ooh, goody!" Drusilla said happily, clapping her hands together and watching with large eyes as Angel came and picked Xander up off the floor, throwing him back by the catwalk. Spike sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Xander landed hard on the ground, and the pain that reverberated through him cause him to come out in full vamp-mode. The strength and anger of the demon that only 1/3 inhabited him came out with it's strength and rage, and most of all, it's power to heal itself very quickly. As Angelus came up from behind, Xander jumped to his feet and met his foe with a staggering punch to the chest. Angel was taken aback, but he retaliated with his own demon powers. He punched Xander in the face, bruising the flesh with his hard knuckles. Xander didn't move, and instead knocked Angel to the ground, getting on top of him and pummeling him with his fists. After several good knocks Angel got on top, and the younger, weaker vampire grunted with anger as he tried to get the upper-hand. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------ This vampire was coming on pretty strong. Buffy had to dodge all his well- aimed advances, and she couldn't even understand him because he was grunting in German or something. She had dropped her stake awhile back somewhere she had forgotten, and whenever she tried to reach into her coat for more, the vampire would throw her of completely and she'd end up doing the fisticuffs routine. This vampire was intent on bagging a Slayer. Buffy grunted-quietly-as she finally grabbed one thick arm. She twisted it and watched the vampire fall hard on his back. She had enough time to pull out a stake and plunge it into his heart, and Clumsy was dust before he could even utter a sound of surprise or pain. "You were a good fight," she consoled the setting dust. Then she stepped on it, as to mark her territory. The one thing a slayer should always check is if her shoes are tied, because if they are untied, wackiness can ensue. Such as tripping over them, losing your balance, leaning on a guardrail for support-the guardrail then breaks, causing you to fall about two floors down onto the warehouse floor where four vampires are engrossed in a fight. Which, of course, is exactly what happened to Buffy. Buffy landed cat-like on all fours, not a hair on her head disheveled or one nail broken. She quickly stood up, and even before she had time to absorb her surroundings, she was knocked back down again. Buffy fell on her shoulder, and loudly exclaimed her pain. Angel and Xander, who were still engrossed in the fight, were completely unaware of her. Since the two brawling vampires were almost on top of her, she truly didn't care why there were fighting. All she noticed was that Angel and Xander had broken up for the moment, and Xander was the closest vampire next to her. She quickly grabbed yet another stake and rolled over onto her side until she was right next to him. Rolling up on top, she plunged her stake home. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Xander had finally managed to toss Angel off of him. At first, Xander had tried choking him, but quickly realized that vampires didn't breath. Then he concentrated on beating him to a bloody pulp, which had finally made the vampire roll off of him. Now, as he was just about to rise up, he was knocked down again. In a blur, Buffy was on top of him. Dammit, she had found him. He was hoping that they wouldn't come into the office and discover his disappearance before he had annihilated Angel. Now, it seemed, that the Scooby Gang minus a member had indeed, and they had sent the Slayer. Everything was going wrong. Xander opened his mouth to tell Buffy everything was fine when he saw her pull out the stake. Immediately he tried to sit up and get out of the way, but Buffy was steadfast. She pushed him back to the ground and plunged her stake into his flesh. As Xander felt the wood go through him, he looked up into Buffy's sad eyes. His own were cluttered wth anger, pain, and disbelief. She hadn't, she hadn't, she hadn't . . . End of this chapter. look for next one! ~Shadows~ P.S. = All you fanficers out there, listen! While you are writing, burn a yellow candle anoited with heliotrope adn ask Apollo to guide you. It works, even if your aren't Pagan/Wiccan/A member of a magickal religion! ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: btvs_rules@juno.com (Jessy Loves David) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Love, vamps, and everything else (1/?) Date: 06 Dec 1998 16:15:14 +0000 TITLE: Love, vamps, and everything else. AUTHOR: Jessy Wood EMAIL: BtVS_RULES@Juno.com DISTRIBUTION: Please e-mail me first RATING: PG SPOILERS: none SUMMARY: Pretty much based on what happenes after "Anne", but different than the show DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all the characters FEEDBACK: Yes, please While Buffy is in another town because all that had happened, Angel comes back from hell. He feels a little disturbed, and a little frustrated. He has to go face Buffy and the Scooby gang. But, what he doesn't know is that Buffy is gone. He goes to the library to see if Buffy is there. ANGEL: Hello?? Anyone here? Buffy? Willow? Xander? Anyone? Giles and the rest of the scooby gang other than Buffy are behind the bookshelves. Giles comes out from behind them. GILES: Can I help you? ANGEL: Yeah, actually I'm looking for Buffy. Have you seen her? GILES: Why would you come here to look for Buffy? ANGEL: Where else would she be? I mean she's the Slayer and... Giles interrupts Angel. GILES: Who are you? Angel steps out of the shadows. Giles stops dead in his tracks. GILES: Angel? Is that you?? ANGEL: Yes, have you seen Buffy? GILES: No have you? ANGEL: No, I haven't seen her since... GILES: Since when? ANGEL: SInce she sent me to hell. GILES: What!!! The rest of the scooby gang came out from behind the bookcases.] WILLOW: Angel?? She what?? ANGEL: Sent me to hell, but now I'm back, and I need her... I love her. XANDER: Why should we believe you? We know your tricks. Your just going to kill her. GILES: Xander! ANGEL: He's right. XANDER: Yeah...What?? ANGEL: How would you know if I got my soul back or not. I could tell you, but you wouldn't believe me, Buffy could tell you, you'd believe her. BUFFY: You would wouldn't you? ANGEL: Buffy!!! Buffy and Angel have a long romantic hug. GILES: H-He does have a soul. XANDER: He is good. (says gloomily) WILLOW: Buffy!!!! Where have you been all this time? I've looked everywhere for you. BUFFY: I went somewhere, now I'm back. It doesn't matter anyway. I was expelled if you haven't heard yet. WILLOW: Does your mom know where you are? BUFFY: Oh my god, I haven't even talked to her yet. Why would she care, she kicked me out of the house 'cause I had to save the world from you.(looks at Angel) We won't have that again. I won't get that close to you again. I've learned my lesson. But, I still love you. I always will. There's no doubt about it. WILLOW: (looks at Oz) That's so sweet. ANGEL: Buffy, I'll always love you. I'll never leave you again. Scene changes to Joyce Talking on the phone with Giles. GILES: (talking to the scooby gang) Be quiet. BUFFY: (laughing and trying to whisper) Guys, we have to be quiet. JOYCE: Mr. Giles? What's going on? GILES: Oh, nothing. JOYCE: Have you heard anything about Buffy? GILES: You'd be surprised. JOYCE: What?? (click) Joyce hangs up. JOYCE: What was he talking about? Scene goes back to the library. GILES: Come on. We have to get to Buffys house. You see them leave the library. Then you see them going up Buffys walkway. BUFFY: Do you think she'll care that I'm back? I mean she kicked me out. WILLOW: I'm sure she will. XANDER: Yeah, she calls Giles every ten minutes or so. OZ: Yeah. Everyone looks at him. OZ: I had to say something. CORDELIA: God, I can never use the phone in the library. BUFFY: (sarcastically) Oh gosh, I feel your pain. They are standing in front of Buffys door. BUFFY: Here goes. (knocks on the door) Buffy and Angel hold hands right in front of the door holding hands. Joyce opens the door. ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (1/?) Date: 06 Dec 1998 22:48:45 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some! DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to know where my work is going. SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor Xander are willing to let Willow go SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk RATING: PG for this part. DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing them to alleviate my boredom and I'll try to return them with as few dents as possible. Torn Part One Xander Harris lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, absentmindedly throwing a ball up and down and catching it. Up, and down. Up, and down. Up, and down. The up and down rhythm of his actions was moving to the sound of a reverberating phrase in his head. Get away. From me. Get away. From me. Up and down. Get away. Up and down. From me. In frustration, Xander hurled the ball at a wall. It hit with a thud and fell to the floor, rolling away into the piles of dirty clothes on the floor. He sat up and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't get the words out of his head. "Get away from me," she'd said. That's all. Those four words, and then she'd turned away. He'd waited for a moment, giving her a chance to turn back around, to say she didn't really mean it. She hadn't. He'd left the room, pausing outside her door, listening. He heard her muffled sobs. He'd felt tears come to his own eyes, but he'd wiped them away hastily. He never cried. Xander Harris didn't cry. But he sure was good at moping. King of the Mopers. He had it down to an art form. Go up to his room. Close the door. Turn on the country music. Take the phone off the hook. Flop down on the bed. Dwell on the pathetic state of his life. Eat Twinkies till he felt he was gonna explode. However, there was one more part to his moping technique that he usually did that he couldn't do now. He usually called Willow and complained and whined and vented. And she'd try to help. Point out the good stuff in his life. Reminded him that he still had her for his best friend. But the thing she did best was listen. She was good at stuff like that. Never critical or judgmental. She just listened. Xander was glad she was his best friend. But was she still? Everything had changed. Xander didn't even know what the hell had happened. How it happened. Why it happened. But it did happen. And now look. He'd had a good thing going with Cordelia. He'd cared for her, he really did. Maybe even loved her. And Willow had Oz and things had seemed to be good between them. How did things ever get so complicated, so messed up? He hadn't meant to kiss Willow the night of the homecoming dance. He'd never intended to kiss Willow in his life. She was his best friend, his buddy, his pal, his comrade. But never his girlfriend. But then he'd seen her in that dress . . and all he could think was WOW! And Willow had seemed to think he looked pretty hot in his tux. Then Willow'd started worrying that she didn't know how to dance, so he'd offered to show her how. And they were so close together . . and she'd looked so gorgeous . . he couldn't help himself. He'd kissed her. And she kissed him back. And nothing else had ever felt so right in his life. For that moment, all was perfect in the world. Until the alarm bells had started going off in his head. Warning! Warning! Cordelia! Cordelia! He'd pulled away fast. Willow had the same look in her eyes he imagined he must have in his. Guilt, confusion. . . and desire. He wanted more. So did she. They'd almost kissed again. But they both remembered this time. He'd avoided being close to Willow after that kiss, afraid that if he got too close, he wouldn't be able to help himself again. And it had worked. Sort of. Things had gotten awkward sometimes. But they covered it okay. He was pretty sure Cordy had no clue. But then they were alone in the stacks. Willow had a headache. And something inside him made him lean forward and start massaging her temples, trying to alleviate the pain. He'd felt electric, as if touching Willow sent shocks all through his body. But Willow had said stop. And he managed to pull back, to ignore every nerve in his body that was screaming "Kiss her!". And then, in one of the biggest surprises of his life, she'd grabbed him and kissed him. But at that point he wasn't really caring who kissed who. All he wanted was Willow's lips on his own and to hold her tight. And then Giles had walked in, ruining the moment. They'd broken apart, he rubbed away the incriminating lipstick from his lips, and made a hasty retreat, jumping on the excuse that he had to go find Buffy. By this time Xander was going crazy. He couldn't deny it, or blame it on a clothes fluke anymore. He wanted Willow. He wanted to kiss her. When no one else was around, he flirted with her. And she seemed receptive. Was it possible she wanted him too? That it wasn't just out of control teenage hormones? The thought had first occurred to him then that maybe he should break up with Cordelia so he could be with Willow guilt-free. But Oz. It was too complicated. He'd been mad when he'd discovered Willow trying to do the love spell. At first he'd thought that she was doing it because she wanted to keep him aw