Ex tenebris crescit flos. Out of darkness grows a flower. Life is like a hazy darkness, merely an existence. Identity is but a mere shadow, a murky image of that which might have been. But within the shadow is a tiny seed - the Seed of Life, the Seed of Knowledge, the Seed of Spirituality, the Seed of Self. For ages the seed lies dormant, waiting, waiting, for the perfect moment to start its growth. Unnoticed at first, and misunderstood thereafter, a tiny blossom emerges, and struggles for life, from within the darkness of the Shell. Growing and becoming strong, the Flower of Life, the Flower of Knowledge, the Flower of Spirituality, the Flower of Self, bursts out of the Shell of Darkness and flourishes in the light of understanding. Out of darkness grows a flower. Ex tenebris crescit flos!

A transsexual is a person who grows up with two identities, one a shell presented to the outside world, and the other hidden deep inside, perhaps recognized or perhaps not, struggling to break free. The transition from one gender to the other, or perhaps to some vague in-between space, is the story of the true identity struggling to burst out of the confining shell. This is my story. Here, on this simple and unassuming website, I explore how the Flower within grew and struggled to break free. It is a spiritual journey, not a supernatural exploration, but a journey into the depths of the self. It is a journey that, once begun, never ends. The path of life takes many unexpected and troubling, but ultimately wonderful, turns; a rediscovery of gender is but one of them. My re-birthday, perhaps the first of many, took place on October 31, 2003. At that time, I shed what was left of the old, crumbling shell that I had presented to the outside world from birth. This was not the surgery - that experience is still to come - it was my final day to appear as a man to the world. I have not looked back; the shell has been destroyed and it can never be rebuilt. How did I get to this momentous event, and where am I going? The articles herein explore this, as well as a variety of related and unrelated subjects. These writings explore the life of but one transsexual; the experiences for others will differ, as each individual is unique, but they should begin to scratch the surface of what life is like for this most enigmatic type of person. My name is Heather, and I live in the Salt Lake City area, just a few miles from my birthplace. Although it will surprise some who read this, Salt Lake is a good place to be a transsexual, with an excellent social support network. I wish to thank the people of Engendered Species, WTSN, and Progressive Ladies, the local transgender groups. If not for them, I may never have had the courage to come out and move on with my life. Thanks also to TrannyWeb which gave me the courage to begin exploring my identity, and which remains a safe and welcoming place for me whenever I need it. And I wish to thank all of my family, friends, and co-workers, who have been as supportive as I could have hoped, and then some. Where would I be without you? Every transsexual deserves the support that I have received, but I am one of the fortunate few to actually get it. Thanks again, everyone. This website began as a small collection of articles called "Heather's House of Transgendered Weirdness". As it has grown, it has become far more than a brief description of this wonderful weirdness, so I decided that it was time for a makeover. With a more serious demeanor now, but still with some of the sarcasm and all of the content of the old, it will carry my story into the future.

Enter the World of the Transsexual