Things I, the Cat,
Must Try To Remember!
(author
unknown)
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Screaming
at the can of food will not make it open itself. |
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I
should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase
leaves. |
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If
I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay
there until I get hungry. |
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The
guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him
constantly. |
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If
I bite the cactus, it will bite back. |
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Television
and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail. |
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I
will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and
growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The
X-Files". |
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No
matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not
cat toys. |
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If
I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true. |
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My
human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help. |
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The
canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting
bits of it all over the floor. |
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I
am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat. |
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I
will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall
and screaming at it will not bring it any closer. |
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It
is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all
dissolves in the boiling coffee. |
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The
goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its
bowl. |
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If
my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a
piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end. |
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I
cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. |
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The
large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not
freak out every time I see it. |
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I
am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail
fluffed up will not make my parts grow back. |
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If
I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse
is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it
isn't as tasty. |
