Author's notes and disclaimer:
Hi.
This story includes another long-time addiction of mine besides the Tomorrow People--Mystery Science Theater 3000. It's a show that tackles gripping emotional and mental issues... Oh, who am I kidding? This show is about movies--really bad movies that Hollywood and others have produced over the years. It's about exposing those movies for what they really are and giving them the respect they deserve--namely, none at all. And most of all, it's all in good humor and lots of fun.
This particular piece was inspired by a particularly bad movie MST3K had done. How bad you ask? Trust me, you don't want to know. Anyway, that and the lateness of the hour sent me into creative esctasy of sorts and voila! This light-hearted bit of fluff is the result.
For those of you who have never seen the show, I urge you to check it out on it's new home, the Sci-Fi Channel. Trust me, you'll never look at movies the same way again.
Remember, this is all in fun!
General Disclaimer:
The character of Megabyte Damon and the concept of the Tomorrow People do not belong to me. They are the sole property of Roger Damon Price, Tetra Films, Thames Television, and Nickelodeon.
Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot, Gypsy, Pearl Forrestor, Brain Guy (a.k.a. the Observer), Professor Bobo, and the Satellite of Love are the creation of Joel Hodgson, Jim Mallon, and the people at Best Brains.
Any and all comments are not only helpful, but welcome. Email me at gsi16228@gsaix2.cc.gasou.edu.
Warning: Extreme silliness ahead.
Enjoy!
Caroline Fales, October 1998.
This had to be the worst day of his entire life, was the first thought in Megabyte's slowly waking mind. Not only had his Dad once again stood him up, canceling their sailing trip, but his friends had been busy doing other things as well, leaving him to fend for himself. Then to top that all off, this really weird woman with straw-colored hair and way too much make-up accompanied by strange white-faced guy clad in flowing blue robes had knocked on his door. Well, he had told them rather quickly and pointedly that whatever they were selling, he wasn't interested.
"He's perfect," he recalled the strange, overweight blond woman saying. "Zap him, Brain Guy."
Then the white-faced man had nodded his head, body suddenly shaking as if the guy had about a million ants in his pants and a strange light-headedness had overcome Megabyte just before everything had gone black.
Yep, it was shaping up to be one of those days.
"Hey, I think he's waking up," said an excited voice, deep and mellifluous.
Megabyte groaned, one hand raising to touch gingerly the side of his head, feeling stabbing pins and needles as he did so. His head felt like someone had decided to play the drums with it, pain spearing its way through all the most sensitive areas, making it difficult to concentrate.
"You think he wants to play college dorm room with us?" he heard another, slightly acerbic voice say.
"Let's ask him," said the first voice.
"Quiet, you two," commanded a third voice. An American, Megabyte realized. He sounded like a exasperated parent having to deal with two squabbling children.
"Do you think he'd like a cookie, Mike?" a goofy, high-pitched voice asked.
"Um no, Gyps. I doubt it. An Excedrin the size of Milwaukee maybe," said the American.
"Oh, okay. I think we have one of those in the cargo bay," replied the goofy voice whom Megabyte assumed must be this Gyps person.
"We have an Excedrin the size of Milwaukee in the cargo bay?" came the incredulous reply.
"Oh sure. Well, one at least the size of Atlanta. I'll go get it."
"If we had a box of Hamdingers in the cargo bay, Mike, then we can have Atlanta-sized aspirin," said the mellifluous voice derisively.
"I guess you have a point there."
Megabyte wondered if he was really hearing this conversation or if he had hit his head harder than he thought. Slowly, he let his eyes crack then open.
A lanky golden creature was leaning over him, staring at him curiously out of glowing green eyes. Unless Megabyte missed his guess, his large beak-like mouth looked like it was made out of a spray-painted bowling pin which had been sawn in half while the wire webbing on his head looked like a catcher's mask of some kind.
Megabyte screamed, suddenly up and backing away faster than he ever thought possible.
"Well, this is a fine hello," the golden thing huffed.
"What do you expect?" chortled a shiny red creature. His appearance was that of a cannibalized gumball machine, tiny arms flopping by his side. "Anyone would scream if they had to wake up to see your ugly face in the morning."
Megabyte shook his head, rubbing his eyes vigorously then reopened them, hoping that the two robot-like creatures before him would miraculously vanish. He was disappointed in that hope.
"Mike! Servo said I have an ugly face," whined the gold creature.
"Quiet," the American--Mike, said again. Megabyte turned, startled by the nearness of that voice. A sandy-haired, genial looking man in blue jumpsuit gave him a little wave, "Hello. Welcome to the Satellite of Love."
Satellite of Love? Megabyte thought. Was that some kind of weird hippie colony or some exotic brand of UFO?
"Um, hi," Megabyte said nervously.
"I'm Mike Nelson," the human said, reaching out to shake his hand.
"Megabyte, Megabyte Damon," the Tomorrow Person replied automatically.
"Megabyte?" snorted the little red guy, "Computer nerd or Nanite love child?"
"Hey," Megabyte exclaimed offended.
"Don't mind him," Mike replied rolling his eyes, "That's just Servo's way of being charming. Or trying to anyway."
"Nelson, you're just jealous. When was the last time you had a blender come on to you?" Servo demanded.
"Well, um, I don't think its ever happened," Mike replied crestfallen.
"I thought so."
Mike seemed to shrug that disappointment off. "Megabyte, this is Tom Servo and the gold guy over there is Crow."
"Crow T. Robot," the golden robot corrected.
Megabyte glanced at Mike then back at the two robots, wearing what he hoped was a friendly smile. "Hi."
This was way too weird.
The golden duck-like robot, Crow, had evidently gotten tired of standing around. He ambled over to Megabyte, regarding him with those strange, unblinking eyes of his. Now that he was up close, Megabyte saw that they looked like Kermit the Frog's eyes, only bright green-yellow in shade instead of ping- pong ball white. "Want to play dog and bear with me?"
"Huh?"
"No way, " Servo cried, "He's going to play college dorm room with me."
"No, he's not."
"Yes, he is."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Knock it off you two or no more reruns of MacGyver!" Mike said sternly.
The two robots immediately fell to apologizing, "Oh please, Mike, not that. What will we do if we can't watch MacGyver escaped death-defying situations with only chewing gum, paper clips, and string?"
"Well, you could write that book of yours, Crow. And Servo, you could practice your singing," Mike pointed out.
The two robots regarded him with the same look Megabyte gave his father when the General told him to straighten up or eat his vegetable or promised to do something with him. Complete and utter skepticism.
"What is his deal?" Crow snickered.
"Ah, I don't know," Servo sort of shrugged or managed a close facsimile with his floppy little arms, "Want to go trade some TV show cards?"
"Sure."
"Okay but this time I won't trade any of my 'Love Boat' collector's edition set without at least two 'All in the Family' decks and a 'Sanford and Son' card."
"Catch you later, new guy,"
They bounced off down the dim corridors. Now that he was taking a minute, Megabyte looked around his surroundings. He was in a tiny room, the walls metallic with strange objects embedded in them-- like a toilet seat and a hubcap among others. There was a door of some kind just behind him, a huge dog bone blazoned on the front of it. Off to the side was a uncovered window. Megabyte drew, feeling his stomach sink as he took in the vast star-filled blackness of space.
"Mike?' he managed to find his voice.
"Yeah?"
"Where are we? What am I doing here?"
"We're hovering above a green planet of some kind."
"Planet? Which one?"
"I don't know. Kind of looks like Neptune except a lot bigger and that we're about a jillion miles from Neptune. But Pearl says sea monkeys live here." Mike shrugged blasely.
"Pearl?" Megabyte made his voice sound calm, rational--two things he was not feeling at the moment.
"Pearl Forrester. She and Brain Guy kidnapped you for the experiment."
The man was matter of fact about it all that Megabyte wanted to slap him. "What experiment?"
"Oh, just a little experiment she has going to test human endurance. When she's found a limit to it, she'll take over the world with the knowledge she's gained," Mike shrugged again.
A moment of silence. "I see," Megabyte said slowly, "No offense, Mike, but I'm upset about all this."
"Oh," Mike seemed abashed, "I guess this must be a bit of a shock for you."
"Good guess, Mike," Megabyte said sarcastically.
"Sorry."
****
"Okay, let me see if I've got this right," Megabyte began, "You were kidnapped by a mad scientist after rescuing this other guy who had been the scientist's lab rat. He started this experiment in which you and Laurel and Hardy over there are forced to watch really cheesy movies. And you guys survive these movies by making fun of them. Only this nutty professor's mother, this Pearl woman, who's slightly mental, shot her own son and is now continuing the experiment out of guilt. And the white-faced guy is an omnipotent, omniscient super being who travels with her. Oh and she has a talking ape named Professor Bobo, whose planet Mike destroyed, working for her?"
"That's about the size of it," Mike said, "Sorry, you had to get involved in this one, Megabyte."
"Laurel and Hardy?" squeaked Servo indignantly. The two 'bots, as Mike called them, had returned in the middle of the explanation with Servo wearing a cheerleading outfit--complete with skirt and a blond ponytailed wig. Megabyte decided not to ponder that one too long.
"Yeah, I would think that we were at least Curly and Larry," Crow sounded insulted.
"Whatever," Megabyte rolled his eyes.
Mike smiled. "Looks like you'll fit right in here though. And it's really not so bad... Well, actually it is. The movies, I mean."
"They can't be that bad," Megabyte said superiorly, "I've sat through bad movies before."
"Not like this," Mike shuddered, "Not like this."
A yellow light began flashing. Megabyte straightened, suddenly wary. "What's that?"
"Oh, that's just Pearl," Mike hit a button, unfurling the viewscreen in front of them. The pudgy, blond-haired woman who'd appeared on his doorstep earlier moved in front of the monitor.
"Mike," she drawled lazily, "I see you dimwits have found my little gift for you. And how are you, Rusty?"
Megabyte gritted his teeth at that 'Rusty' comment. He had been teased since childhood about his hair and he was a trifle sensitive about it. "Better than you look, lady."
"Wow, the new guy's got spirit," Crow remarked.
"Yeah, smells like teen spirit," Servo said gleefully, waving his little red pom-poms wildly.
Megabyte laughed, it was impossible not to like these two.
"Pearl," Mike asked, "Why do you need another person? Don't you have enough to do trying to break our spirits and reduce us to quivering piles of jelly?"
"Well, Mike, as much as I do love torturing you and I do, I feel it's time to add some new blood to the mix. Rusty there will do just fine." She smirked. "Oh and by the way, Rusty, Brain Guy tells me that you're some kind of teleporter. How quaint. Just in case you get any ideas of escape, I thought I'd tell you that I had Brain Guy install a trap for you. You try to teleport out of there and you'll find yourself floating in the middle of space, feeling your veins beginning to implode and all sorts of other horrible stuff."
Megabyte swallowed, feeling as if all the walls were closing in on him, which in a way they were. He was trapped here. Millions of miles from home and friends with no idea of how to escape.
Mike and the 'bots gave him sympathetic looks, Servo patting his hand, "There, there. We're all in this together."
"Thanks," Megabyte said gratefully.
"Unless, of course, I find an escape pod," the 'bot continued, "And then I'm out of here."
Megabyte shot him a dirty look as Servo sniggered.
"Anyway, time to take your movie medicine, Mikey. This one is a little yarn called 'Stranded in Space' and it sucks on toast. Enjoy," the evilly grinning face vanished from the monitor.
The ship began rocking violently as red lights went off, claxons blaring wildly. "What?" Megabyte shouted over the din.
"We've got movie time!" the trio shouted.
"What do I do?" Megabyte shouted, feeling panic close in.
"Running would be good," Servo quipped.
The large door with the bone on it broke open and Megabyte followed Mike through it, going past other doors, each with its own number-- 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. His heart was pounding in his throat as the last door opened, wondering what next.
To be perfectly honest, he darkened movie theater was not what he was expecting. Somehow, he hadn't quite believed Mike's story until this moment. This whole thing was crazy. An experiment to test human will by subjecting them to bad movies? Well, he could handle bad movies--he *liked* bad movies and he was just itching to pay Pearl back for this whole mess.
This would be a cake walk. His life should be this easy most of the time.
"Move over, Servo," he said, "Time to bust this movie."
***end.