What Should I Do?

Ok, so maybe I'm the biggest bitch on wheels but I can't stand the fact that Ryan can't think or act for himself. It's like he assumes I've replaced his mommy but I'm not his mother and never will be. I don't exist for him; I don't exist to coddle him and make life easy for him. If I wasn't around, sure, he would find a way to handle trials on his own but because I am around and I'm good at navigating life, he sits back and lets me drive. I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE when he can. And, in this case, he can!

His car broke down tonight and he had it towed to a shop that told him it might be fixed tomorrow afternoon. So he spends all night playing hockey and drinking beer with buddies instead of finding a way to get to work in the morning. Why? Because he expects to take my new car and leave me at home all day. Sometimes I never leave the house so I wouldn't miss my car - but that's by choice. The fact that he had plenty of time to contact a co-worker who lives right around the corner from us and who could have given him a ride, leaves me livid. All because he doesn't want to get his ass out of bed a half-hour earlier in the morning?! If I was in the same sitch I would do whatever was easiest for everyone. I would, in fact, get up and catch a ride.
Of course, those who know me are saying, "Riiiight, Jill does what is easiest on her." Yes, to an extent that's true. But I also figure out a way to deal with a situation that makes the most sense for everyone. For example, I don't ask random people for a ride to the airport. I ask around to see if someone is already heading in that direction. If I couldn't get him to the airport, Ryan would park his car at the ParknJet even if it meant paying for a week there before he would try to find a ride. Instead of borrowing Ryan's car all the time while mine was getting fixed, I rented from Enterprise and they picked me up. If I'm hungry, I make myself something to eat. If Ryan's hungry, he'll order delivery or drive somewhere and buy himself dinner before he'd make even a sandwich or can of soup. He's wired to expect me (or women in general) to take care of him.

It would have been easier for Ryan to simply get a ride from someone who is already going in to his office but he's being selfish and expects me to enable his laziness. He'd rather assume I'll come to his rescue than for him to go out of his way and make some phone calls.
This is the same sh*t he did when he got his DUI and lost his license FOR THREE YEARS. He expected me to chauffeur him around instead of trying to catch rides from those heading in the same direction. In fact, there were more than a few times when I called MY friends and asked them to give him a ride because he "didn't want to impose on anyone." But it's ok to impose on me? Why is it that being a girlfriend means getting the raw end of the deal? Is it too much to ask to be treated the way he might treat a friend? With concern over imposing? Granted, the definition of "relationship" is 'never feeling like you're imposing' but that attitude truly sucks.

Would Ryan do the same for me?
The answer's yes. If I needed his car- for whatever reason- he would have me drive him to work (at 5:30 a.m.), drop him off and take his car. He wouldn't think twice about it. Wait a minute! Would he call and get a ride in to work and leave his car for me? Uh Uh. So I guess we can't say he'd do the same for me. Anyway, back to the analogy- he lends me his car when I won't lend mine. If it were that simple (and it NEVER is), of course he could take my car and I stay home for a day. The point I'm trying to make is that it's not about the car. It's about his unwillingness to use anyone but me. If he had made even a little effort to find a ride, I would have been willing to help. But no, he goes out and f*7ks around all night then comes home and asks for my car keys.
I've never been much of a sharer so you can't take my stuff without my permission and assume it's cool and you can't guilt me into giving it over. (Which he is now relentlessly doing.) I have to want to share.

He wants - and expects - me to carry his ass and it drives me nuts. Why are the men I date so unresourceful and ineffective?? I guarantee you that he plans to call in sick tomorrow rather than get up early and call his friend for a ride; just to try to make me out as the bad guy and subsequently blame me for the reason he lost a sick day. After six years, I know that program.

5 minutes later:

Looks like I was right (of course). He just walked into my office to announce he's "going to be hanging out" with me tomorrow. He's calling in sick.
What do I do, people? Let him lose the day and forever be the crappy girlfriend? Or give in and enable him to pull this act yet again?

Sage is Seven Months Old!

My boobs are gone and my hair's falling out. If I didn't know better - that it was because I'm done breastfeeding- I'd think I was turning into a guy. I'll miss my boobs. I'll actually miss breastfeeding too. I appreciate the freedom but I feel like I've let Sage down. If I wasn't skiing so much, I wouldn't have dried up and she'd still be getting all of those yummy nutrients and immunities. At the same time, between the pumping and nursing, I never got anything done.
Sage seems fine with the switch and has taken to Costco's generic formula just fine. Which is a good thing since it's half the price of the name brands.
However, ignorance was bliss. Now that I know I could handle a C cup (quite well, thank you), I suppose I'll start saving up for my 50th birthday present. Renato Saltz did an amazing job on my friend's breasts; hope he's around by then.
Sage was soo cute tonight. We've been taking showers because she hated the bath but tonight was a break-through. Instead of trying to take a bath with her while she screamed bloody murder, I sat her in her baby tub with warm water and the shower going. At first she fussed but then settled in and started reaching for the floaty toys I tossed in. Once she seemed focused on them, I turned off the shower and voila!
Is it just me or am I that weird that motherhood and babydom are as smooth as a puppy's coat (so far)? Perhaps it was my experience raising Tenaya. In 1997, I dedicated myself to being the best dog mom on earth. Unlike other people who get a dog, dont' train it, never walk it, and kennel the poor thing whenever they leave home, Tenaya went everywhere with me; I trained her extensively so that it was possible. We traveled together and when she couldn't come with, I made sure she had care at my house. I bred her, helped her deliver 10 outstanding puppies, handpicking each's new home. Was that practice for the baby to come? I hear all of these scary and sad tales of mothers struggling with their "new life", raging hormones, babyfat, sleepless nights. I can't relate. And I can't believe that I am the only mother not whining. Sage is amazing, adorable, happy, fun to watch and all of those other things every babysitter showers on me. Up until this month I've spent most days and nights with her- movies, restaurants, travel, work. Life goes on but now Tenaya and I have a little buddy.
I get my sleep. She takes two long naps during the day and sleeps 10 hours at night. Soundly. While I watch TV and work. When she's awake, I feed her, change her, read to her, then set her in her crib or exersaucer or bouncy chair to play. She doesn't need my attention so I cook, clean, do laundry, write, shower - all of my normal daily activities. I've found excellent sitters who love spending time with her so I can ski when (er, if) there's good snow or a lesson to teach. I have been told that my attitude and ease have a lot to do with Sage's temperament. I'm not overly protective or rigid. I don't stress. We keep hours that work for both of us, I don't hover and if she wants to make Play-Dough of her cereal, why not? I've got the babywipes on the kitchen counter.
The one significant change in my life (besides the financial strain) is the endless stream of laundry. But I'm handling that too. Maybe my trials have yet to appear. Toddler years? Teen years? It can't all be flat water. Or maybe it is me and I waited just long enough in my life to be ready and able to care for a child without feeling lost, overwhelmed, frightened and angry; so Sage doesn't feel those things either. When I finally decided I was ready for a child, I wanted her as much as I've wanted anything in my life and even when she's crying I find it sweet. A little helpless baby cry that goes away in moments- with a cuddle or warm bottle of milk.

She's got two crooked, bottom baby teeth. The first bothered her a bit but nothing a soft cloth and Tylenol couldn't handle. The second popped out of nowhere without fuss.
Sage still doesn't like spending time on her tummy but she tolerates it. I picked her up from Mardi's house last week and she was on a rug at her feet while Mardi was doing dishes. Reminded me of those puppies. Sage looked up at me from the floor as if to say, "You back already?" She rolls over only when she feels like it; which isn't often. Her big belly could be the culprit. Talk about pudge! Eighteen pounds of squeezeableness. I call her Pooh Bear because, well, she's shaped like Pooh. She eats everything. I'm doing the jar food- green beans, peas, squash, sweet potatoes, applesauce, pears. She opens wide for it all. Can't you tell? ;)
No allergies yet so we'll soon move onto Stage 2 foods.
We went bowling yesterday. Kristen had a friend in town – Mike from REM- and we met up with them. Baker, Bresee and a few others. Bresee said I looked great and later said I was "hot". I hadn't heard those words from a man in a while. That was cool. That was very cool. It's not like I don't get out but I certainly don't put myself out there like that. Sometimes I wonder if motherhood cosmically changes your vibe. It was refreshing to hear otherwise. John, Thanks for that!!
We left the lanes about 10:30 p.m. Sage was already asleep in her car seat. She woke long enough for me to change her diaper and move her to her crib.
It's been a busy month with my teaching schedule at Park City Mountain Resort- four days a week. I want to spend more time with her but that will have to wait until next week. The snow totally sucks and it's not supposed to get any better so we can hang out a lot more. I haven't missed any milestones though!
She sits up without support. Crawling will be next. I'm sure my mobility will be curbed. But maybe not. I've been 'lucky' so far.

Every day, I wake and peer into her crib. Sometimes she's sleeping soundly; other times she's awake and quietly playing with her hands or "binky". When she spots me looking, her face lights up, a broad smile breaks and her eyes open wide. She coos and squeals with delight. I think that's my favorite part of the day now. Tenaya's here too. She picks up her head from her bed, ears propped and moves closer. My little family. We're all lucky.

P.S. Current photos are posted at www.dropshots.com/pcskigal