Park City's Flick Chick by Jill Adler
May 2005 - Movie Reviews in a Nutshell
House of Wax
Film Rating: R
My
boyfriend hates going to horror flicks with me because I love
them so much; the screaming, the suspense, the rush and the playful
way slasher filmmakers toy with our ‘ick’ threshold.
How many different ways can someone die?? In this cliched remake
of the 1953 Vincent Price classic, our attractive pack of nubile
co-eds (Chad Michael Murray, Elisha Cuthbert, Paris Hilton) discover
the most horrible way I can think of to die: have your body covered
in hot wax, then sculpted to look like a wax figure by mean, creepy
inbreds, and left in a museum as your skin and organs slowly decompose
from suffocation and starvation while you are fully aware but
unable to scream or move. Oh, and have your friends try to rescue
you by peeling the wax as you watch/feel them peel you down to
the bone. Cool. The kids walk alone into dark rooms, unarmed,
give up guns when they should reload, and why the hell hasn’t
a town of wax melted in the Florida heat at some point over 10
years? Technicalities. At least House doesn’t suck as much
as Wrong Turn (despite an alarming number of similarities). If
you like horror flicks, this one’s a scream.
Star Wars: Revenge of the
Sith
Film Rating: PG
The
dots are finally connected. Since the series began in 1977 with
“Star Wars,” the George Lucas phenomenon about the
rise and fall of the Empire, Darth Vader and the Jedi Knights,
has kept loyal fans as rabid as a meth addict searching for his
next fix. For those who have waited in line for months for tickets
(and the rest of us, too), Revenge of the Sith doesn’t disappoint.
Anakin Skywalker gets to the dark side, Queen Padme’s twins
are put in their place and the fall of the Republic/birth of The
Empire spelled out. The tension builds and you care what happens
to the good guys as they question which side is worth fighting
for. The only thing missing is an Anakin that can act. Hayden
Christensen has grown into a hotty, but a hotty with no onscreen
chemistry with anyone. The dude is as dead as a 2x4. Bring back
the playful banter of Hans and Luke and the sizzle of Luke and
Leia (before they found out they were related)! Obi Wan and Ani
could have just as easily been strangers. And just wait till he
steps into that Vader suit. Beware the cheese. Luckily, Christensen
can’t get in the way of technology, look and tone of this
new installment. Not only is III better than I and II, but it
comes damn close to rivaling the Return of the Jedi (but not the
Empire Strkes Back). Music, CGI, staging, Yoda’s kung fu
moves, and R2D2’s charm, entertain, excite and grip you.
Almost makes you wish they would remake the original Star Wars
trilogy. Almost.
Kingdom of Heaven
Film Rating: PG13
It’s
the battle over Jerusalem all over again except this time it’s
not Bush’s problem but the King of England and his 12th
Century crusaders on a quest to keep the peace between Muslims
and Christians in the Kingdom of Heaven. We’ve now seen
this type of medieval battle movie every year for the past 10
years, so it’s up to Director Ridley Scott to deliver an
Oscar-worthy hero and drop-dead (literally) war scenes. He doesn’t.
You do get some clanging sword fights but Balian (Orlando Bloom)
can’t quite cut the hero cloth. He’s no Gladiator
or Braveheart. He’s just a boy with nothing to lose who,
all of sudden, believes in the good in men after his wife kills
herself and he’s run out of his village (riiight). We never
believe that this kid is larger than life. Bloom was ideal as
an arrow-slinging Elf in Middle Earth but in Kingdom he’s
nothing more than a cherubic boy with a misplaced sword in his
hand facing bullies that are five times his size. He’d get
his ass kicked in two minutes on any real day without CGI. KH
is an interesting historical tale, if nothing else.
